


The Good, the Evil, and the Fake

by Veronicasawyerr



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, F/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence, Onesided, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, This is a weird fic, but doesn't know it yet, but jd and heather are rly good friends, heather likes veronica a little too much, idk the idea just came to me, jd's in love with veronica, jdronica - Freeform, slight PTSD, sorry about that, the slowest of burns, veronica loves jd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24414154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veronicasawyerr/pseuds/Veronicasawyerr
Summary: Jd loves Veronica. Jd knows he loves Veronica.Veronica loves Jd. Veronica does not know she loves Jd.Heather (Duke) loves Veronica. Heather denies she loves Veronica.Heather Chandler doesn't love herself. Everyone thinks Heather loves herself.Veronica doesn't love Heather. Veronica is confused.
Relationships: Heather Duke & Veronica Sawyer, Heather Duke/Veronica Sawyer, Jason "J. D." Dean & Heather Duke, Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer
Comments: 35
Kudos: 50





	1. Of Awkwardness and Oblivious

**Author's Note:**

> Idk if this is going to be a long fic, if people like it it can be. My main fic (Shipwrecked) is kind of a priority but I'll update this every two days or so. 
> 
> Also, this is an AU where Jd and Veronica hadn't met, and Jd hadn't gotten into the fight with Kurt and Ram. Also, at the homecoming party, Veronica didn't throw up on Heather, and no one was killed. Also, this is a modern AU.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

"Heather, who was that girl sitting with the rest of you at lunch today?" Jd asked Heather Duke. They were laying on his floor, flipping through old phone books to find the number of one Ram Sweeney, so they could prank call him for revenge. No one messes with a Heather and gets away with it. Jd had been Heather's neighbor from Pre-K to 3rd grade when he started moving. They had been best friends, and when Jd moved back to Sherwood for his senior year, he and Heather started right where they had left off.

" _Veronica._ Ugh, that girl. It's like, one day she's playing dolls with Betty Finn and Martha Dumptruck, and the next she's Heather's new second in command. That was my job," Heather mumbled, jealousy creeping into her voice like a green ink.

"Veronica as in Veronica Sawyer? No way!" Jd exclaimed, looking up from the textbooks to stare at his friend in shock. "You mean to tell me that nerdy Veronica Sawyer who skipped second grade and used to read during recess is now hanging out with the almighty?"

"Unfortunately, yes. It's like, one day Heather told us she was bored of me and Mac, and that she wanted 'fresh meat'. Then she scours the cafeteria and decides _Veronica_ was the hottest one. Veronica! She never wore makeup, all her clothes were oversized, and her hair was so ridiculously frizzy. But Heather insisted, and now they're like best friends, and every boy wants to fuck her. It's like she's _trying_ to show off her stupidly gorgeous face, and her unfairly awesome ass! Like sorry, Heather, that I'm not some perfect teen fantasy like Ms. Ronnie!"

"Wow. Ok. Strong feelings." Jd said rather nonchalantly, steering his attention back towards the phone books. "You kind of make it sound like you're in love with her though,"

"Am not!"  
  


"Are too!"

"Am not, not, not! She's a leach. How can you be a Heather if your name isn't even Heather? It's literally Veronica! She puts on this horrid school girl act, and no one can see through it but me! I'm in a school full of idiots," Heather groaned, rolling over onto her back. As she stared at the ceiling, she wondered if she really did hate Veronica. She hated her hair. And the way she walked in heels. And the way she took up all the attention. Yeah, she hated Veronica.

"Ok, whatever. She's super hot though. And... different. Like she has a soul, unlike you and the others," Heather rolled her eyes at the boy. "I saw her arguing with you guys about giving a mean note to Martha. She saved that girl from a lot of pain. And she smells really nice. Like peppermint and cream."

"You _smell_ her?" Heather asked, slightly horrified by this new information.

Jd laughed, then covered it with a cough. "I mean, she was just walking by and her hair flipped and it smelled really good! I'm not creepy!"

  
"Don't even try with that, we both know you're a grade-A pervert" Heather laughed at the expression on Jd's face, knowing he had been caught. So, Jd's into Veronica. Perfect, another one of her friends hypnotized by the devil herself.

Jd sighed, putting down the book. "I'm tired of this. Slushy?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Duh,"

*

Heather slid off Jd's motorcycle, ripping the helmet from her head. "This thing gives me awful helmet hair. I'm going without it on the way back," she declared, not waiting for Jd as he took his off.

"Ok, if you want to die,"

She opened the door to their safe haven, where nothing would ever change. Well, sort of. In freshman year before parties with the Heathers, Heather would always send her in here to get Corn nuts. Heather would buy them, then go purge in the bathroom to make sure she looked nice and thin for the party. Now, Heather only makes herself throw up at home. For cleanliness sake, of course. Can't rip her stocking from kneeling over again, Heather would have a fit.

As she walked in with Jd trailing behind her, the scent of overly processed potato chips and burnt hot dogs swirled around her. It was all gross, and just looking at the food made Heather gain three pounds, but it was safe. None of the other Heathers would dare enter. It was home.

"Veronica, don't forget the corn nuts! It's not a party without corn nuts!!!" A shrill voice shrieked from outside the door. Not just any shrill voice, but one that Heather knew too well. Heather Chandler. And she was screaming at Veronica? Oh fuck, Veronica.

"BBQ or plain?"

"BBQ!" Another very loud shriek was shuffled by the door closing. Low and behold, there stood Veronica Sawyer. She was wearing a lace, blue crop top with a black blazer, and a flowy black short skirt. Heather could tell that Veronica had done her own makeup, and not Heather because it was quite light. Only lipgloss, mascara, and some blush. Her hair was down in her natural wavy pattern, with the normal volume that Heather liked. She looked really pretty. Shoot, Veronica looked really pr-

"Hey, Heather! I didn't know 7-11s were your calling," Veronica greeted with a smile. Stupid smile, Heather wanted to make it turn upside down. That's when she realized... party. Heather had sent Veronica in here to get corn nuts for a party, just like Heather used to do. Veronica, that stupid bitch, had officially stolen her spot. Jealousy boiled deep in Heather's core as she stared at Veronica's stupid face. Her name wasn't even Heather! That was the appeal of the group! Veronica wasn't close to as pretty as Heather, she was short and skinny and kind of pale. Not exactly a force to be reckoned with. 

"Where are you and Heather headed?" Heather asked, her smile as tight as Veronica's shirt, and as fake as Heather Chandler's personality. Veronica obviously didn't seem to notice. Heather felt Jd walk up behind the two, but she didn't care much.

"Oh, just a Remington Party. I think she just needs me to be a designated driver to bring her home after she hooks up with guy #3 this week," Veronica responded with a smirk as she paid for the corn nuts. 'What are you two doing here?"

Jd handed Heather a slushie (Diet Coke, of course), and she noticed his face. Suave, sarcastic Jd who could pull any girl he wanted, had a huge, goofy, love-struck smile on his face. And he wasn't even trying to show it. "We're just hanging out, you know how it goes," Heather replied, the jealousy in her continuing to boil and bubble. She felt so mad at the girl in front of her, she almost fainted. Heather grabbed Jd's hand for support as Veronica walked out the door.

"Oh, that's cool, I didn't know you two are a thing," Veronica said with a smile. Heather froze. No. No, they were not. She quickly let go of Jd's hand.

"No, Veronica It's not like that, I-" Heather attempted to explain as Jd froze. Of course. Just when she needed him to say something, anything, her friend decided to be completely and utterly silent.

"No, you guys are cute together! I'll see you on Monday, Heather!" Veronica quickly left and hopped in the passenger seat of Heather's red Porsche. 

Fuck. Veronica though Jd and Heather were dating. That ruined everything! "Jd, why didn't you say anything? She thinks we're dating now!"

Jd was broken from his daydreams and stared in horror at the door where Veronica had left. "Shit, why would you grab my hand?!"

"I thought I was going to faint!"

"Why?!"

"Because she made me mad!!"

"That's not a reason to faint! Just- ugh. Great. Great! Looks my chances with her just got a whole lot slimmer," Jd said taking a long sip of his Cherry slushy to numb the growing pain inside his stomach. He blew his chance with her.

"You dick head, I didn't mean to! She was stupid enough to think we were on a date in a fucking 7-11! And did you see that? She's going to a Remington party with Chandler. Even _I_ never got invited to those. She's climbing the latter, soon we'll all be kneeling down to the blue bitch," Heather sighed, leaning against the counter. This night was a massive fail, all she wanted was a slushie and a prank call to Ram for calling her Heather Puke. But it all went haywire.

"Who gives a shit? you don't actually like Heather, she's a total bitch. So what if she uses someone else as her punching bag for a night?" Jd questioned, paying for their drinks.

"It's a- it's a power thing, I guess. People won't respect me if they see how easy I was replaced. Especially if I was replaced by someone so... powerless," Heather replied, feeling empty. Why couldn't she have just stayed playing dolls with Betty Finn? Why did Heather have to make her the new project?

Jd scoffed. "Why do you think she's powerless? She looked pretty damn powerful in those heels to me..."

"You goddamn idiot, she's like 5'1" and probably doesn't weigh 100 pounds," Heather and Jd left the 7-11 as Heather continued. "And she looks like she hasn't seen the sun in like three months, she's so pale. Someone could pick her up and throw her around like it's nothing. And based on that outfit, that's what one of the football players will be doing tonight," Heather remarked, finishing her slushy.

"Wait, do you think? She doesn't seem like the type of girl to-"

"Calm down Romeo, I was joking. She's a total fucking prude, wouldn't give it up to Kurt and Ram at the homecoming party last week. That almost got her kicked out... honestly, I wasn't too mad, cause having a threesome with the quarterback and a linebacker as your first time seems... painful. But Heather was _livid,_ God, it was hilarious! If the police hadn't crashed the party, they probably would've gotten their way with her, like I said, _powerless,_ "

Jd rolled his eyes at the girl's rudeness. As they rode back to Jd's house, preparing for an all-nighter, he wondered about this mystery girl. If what Heather said was true, then this party didn't seem super safe for a girl like Veronica. A girl who is so insanely gorgeous, just like Veronica...

Shoot, he ran a red light. "Jd!!" a scream of anger erupted from Heather, her usual lecture about road safety spilling out like word vomit. Jd tuned her out, instead choosing to listen to the loud whooshing of the wind next to his ears, as his mind played back Veronica's voice in the 7-11. Oh right, Veronica thought he was boning his best friend. That's great.

*

"All I'm saying is that I think she's different. She's like, the only decent thing about this horrible, cruel world," Jd gushed, staring at his ceiling.

"Thanks, bud, love you too. But actually, I have no idea what you see in that girl," Heather said, examining her nails closely. Jd's fan made loud clicking noises every time it made a rotation, providing an oddly soothing audio for Heather. Veronica Sawyer. Something about her wasn't right. She needed to be taken down.

"Do you think she's ok? You should call and make sure she's ok," Jd said, grabbing Heather's phone. She rolled her eyes, snatched the device from him, and dialing Veronica's number. Why? She wasn't sure.

"Heather! Whatss up?" Veronica slurred slightly into the phone, the noise of the party making her barely audible.

"Just wanted to make sure everything ok, I know how those parties can be..." Heather trailed into the phone with Jd looking on supportive.

"I mean, some senior at the college kind of held me down and-"

"What?!" Jd yelled, unable to contain himself. Heather slapped her hand over his mouth. She cleared her throat.

"Ahem, sorry, I mean what happened?" Heather saved, sending a glare to a very angry Jd.

It took Veronica a minute to respond. "Wellllll, this guy held me down and was like grinding on me, but this girl pushed him off. She's a Shakespearian English Major! Isn't that so cool Heather?" Veronica innocently gushed about the wonders of Shakespear for half a minute before Heather became impatient.

"Ok, whatever. Anything else bad happen?"

"Wellllll, the same guy jerked off to me and Heather dancing to *hic* Girls Just Want to Have Fun, and he came in a potted plant... oh! Haha, and then Heather threw vodka in his face, it was soooooo funny Heather!" Veronica drunkenly rambled to Heather and Jd.

"Well, just stay safe... bye now,"

"Bye Heather, love ya!" Veronica yelled as she hung up. Heather's heart almost stopped. 'Love ya'... does Veronica not hate her? All her other friends do, except for Jd... 

Jd grabbed the phone from Heather's hands. "What do you think you're doing, red dawn?" she protested.

"Just copying down her number... did you hear the way she was going on about classic literature while drunk? That, my friend, is what I call a keeper," Jd inserted a new contact into his phone, and Heather looked at him like he had grown another head.

"The girl was talking about how some guys 5 years older than the girl was grinding on her ass, then jerked off while watching her dance, into a potted plant. And that's what you're thinking about? Her stupid English ramblings?"

Jd sighed, and looked out the window. "Yes, and she's perfect. I can make that guy pay, I can kill his ass-"

"Jd! No. You know what your therapist said," Heather scolded her friend for his violent thoughts. He scoffed and started picking at the dark grey paint of his bedroom. Police sirens and crickets wailed outside his window, filling the air with noise on an otherwise empty night. Veronica's smile and the way she smelled was the only thing going through his head at the moment. _Veronica._  
  


He was not letting this one go.


	2. Of Red Vines and Jealousy

Heather sat next to Veronica and Heather Mac, talking about their problems. Scratch that- problem. Heather Chandler to be exact. Here they were, half an hour before the big homecoming football game, and the demon spawn seemed to weave her way into every conversation. Even if she wasn't there! Veronica was laid on the ground at their feet, staring at the sky. Heather and Heather were sitting cross-legged on an uncomfortably warm metal bench. A package of Veronica's red vines were being passed around, and Heather was ranting her heart out.

"It's like she doesn't get that I'm human! I'm human, and no human wants to blow Ram in the back of his sour-smelling truck!" Heather complained, twirling her blonde hair between two fingers. "You know, Veronica, she has plans for you and Kurt to get together. She wants to keep hooking up with that Freshman at Remminton, she wants me with Ram," Heather rapped her perfectly manicured yellow nails against the bench.

"Oh, and I get the sloppy seconds? Typical!" Heather Duke complained, slouching back with her arms crossed. Why did Heather have to leave her out of everything? Well, this particular thing was something she did want to be left out of, but it still hurt.

"Oh Heather, you already have a boyfriend? Why bother with someone like Kurt or Ram when you have a decent guy already?" Veronica questioned, sitting up to take a drink from her clear, blue-tinted water bottle.

"You hoe, I've told you like 30 times that we are just friends! Wrap your thick skull around it Sawyer, we weren't on a date." Heather responded in a harsh tone, grabbing the bag of candy from Heather's hands and grabbing a vine. It wasn't fair, Veronica had no real reason to believe Heather and Jd were dating, but she persisted. She said that she can because he freezes up whenever he's around Heather, but she knew that was wrong. Veronica only say Jd when he was with Heather, and whenever Jd saw Veronica, he froze. Of course, if Heather explained this to Veronica, the secret would be gone.

"Whatever you say, Heather." The sky was turning to a more cauliflower blue, and more people were starting to arrive. Heather Mac had to come early so she could lead the cheers, and the rest of the girls had decided to tag along. Heather Chandler was off in the bathroom, and she warned them not to come with. Whether she was doing drugs or hooking up with someone, they weren't sure.

Heather stood up and smoothed out her blue and red cheer uniform, the color of the Westerburg Whales. "Well, I better go and gather the rest of the squad, so we can get into formation," Heather said, walking towards a group of girls dressed similarly. "Don't forget to cheer loud so I don't look like a doofus!" she yelled to Heather and Veronica over her shoulder. Heather sighed and picked at some lint on her green blazer. She was not looking forward to this.

"Here comes Heather!" Veronica said, pointing to a red dot walking towards them. Heather stayed seated on the bench, wanting to prolong her freedom from the demon queen. Veronica, however, rushed towards the girl with a seemingly urgent question, most likely about her plans to set her and Kurt up. The blue and red blurs met in the distance and started to walk away from Heather. What?

_Ding!_ A text on Heather's phone read 'going to reapply makeup with heather brb'. It was from Veronica. Heather let out a sigh. Abandoned again.

"How's my favorite Heather?" a voice asked from behind her. Heather turned around to see Jd standing there with a slushy in hand. "Where are the other monsters? Did they go to eat sone souls, and you decided you weren't hungry?" Heather let out a very fake laugh as Jd sat next to her.

"Heather went to go start some cheers and warmup, and the other Heather abducted Veronica do the bathroom for makeup. Anyway, why are you here? Didn't think homecoming game would be your style," Heather said, nervously peering around her. It wasn't good for her image to be seen in public with such an outcast, no matter how good of friends they were. Jd knew this, and walked under the bleachers, motioning for Heather to follow. 

"Thought I'd come and observe teen life in Sherwood Ohio. So far, same as Lima Ohio," Jd muttered with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Heather cracked a smile and grabbed Jd's slushy, not caring that it was full-calorie and not diet. The girl sighed at her lack of entertainment and went back to picking lint off her annoying cotton blazer. She could feel her lips become chapped once more in the dry September air. Heather searched in her emerald green handbag for some lip balm, but couldn't find any. She must have left it at home.

"Damn it..." she muttered. "Should I just go home? I don't think Heather would even notice," Heather complained leaning her back against one of the metal supports.

"You know she'd crucify you, but I'm right behind you if you want to leave this dump," Jd answered providing a lame smirk.

"No, you're right, she'd kill me. You know, she's setting Veronica and Heather up with football boys, but she just left me out? Who does she want _me_ to date, Peter Dawson?" Heather was fed up and grabbed a cigarette from her handbag.

"She's setting Veronica up with someone?" Jd immediately asked, anxiousness drawn on his face. Heather rolled her eyes as she lit her cigarette and handed him one.

"Relax, Veronica would never actually date Kurt, he's an idiot. Neither would I, of course, but I'd much rather get to reject him then not even have the chance to-" Heather was about to go into detail about her struggle with being left out when Jd interrupted her.

He twirled the un-lit cigarette between his pointer and middle finger. "So, she's not into Kurt?" he asked, grabbing the lighter from her hands. 

Heather rolled her eyes. "No, Jesse James, she is not. You know, she called you decent today. She must be madly in love," Heather laughed out loud at the shocked, and rather thrilled expression on her friend's face after his crush had called him 'decent'. Decent, ha! His expectations were clearly lower than his standards at this point. And honestly, for both, the bar was pretty damn low. Heather listened as Jd muttered 'decent' under his breath a few times, grinning after.

"Well Heather, my dear, it's a lovely day to be a senior at Westurburg High,"

*

Heather's phone let out another audible _ding!._ It read: 'haul ass to the bleachers pronto and i might not slap you for disappearing'. Classic Heather. Heather showed the text the Jd, gave a quick goodbye, and ran out from underneath the bleachers. It wasn't hard to locate Heather and Veronica, as no one dared to sit within a ten-foot radius of them. No, the students of Westerberg would never dare disrespect their red queen in such fashion!

Veronica waved Heather over, and Heather plopped herself down in between Heather and Veronica. "Geez Heather, you reek of cigarette," Heather complained, over-dramatically holding her nose.

"Well, old habits die hard," Heather mumbled, steering her attention to the game. She had really no idea what was happening, so she just cheered when others did and looked sad when Heather did. It was a great technique, and it had worked for her every football game since Freshman year.

"So, Veronica, assuming we win this game, who do you think Kurt will give his Homecoming jersey to? I mean, whatever lucky girl gets the Quarterback's jersey is basically set for the rest of her high life! I got it last year, so I'm ineligible for it. But I know someone else who isn't..." Heather raised her eyebrows at Veronica, awaiting a response from the shorter girl.

"Heather, If that asshole offers me the jersey, I'd probably run away," Veronica said with an annoyed laugh. It was common knowledge amongst the girls that Veronica had no interest in the boys Heather was pushing her to pursue. 

"Oh yes, you will! I will murder you in cold blood! It's just a jersey, don't be such a whore about it!" Heather whispered through clenched teeth. Veronica sighed, silently hoping that Westerberg would lose the game and she wouldn't have to wear that stupid jersey. 

*

The game was long and boring, and Jd really only stayed so he could kidnap Heather afterward and make her help him with his math homework. And by help, he definitely meant have her do it. After two hours or so of a basically tied game, Westerberg ended up on top, 14-7. Jd still had no idea what was happening, but people were screaming Kurt's name and 'touch down!' so he got the basic idea of what was happening. The students were going crazy on the bleachers, and Jd was half-convinced it would collapse and crush him. It would be better than having to keep enduring the screams of the underclassmen, though.

Heather McNamara's voice rang through a voice amplifier. "Heyo, Westerberg, tell me what's that sound? Here comes Westerberg, coming to put you in the ground! Go, go, Westerberg, give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out and send you straight to hell! Let's hear it for our winning football team!" a chorus of cheers followed, as people applauded future high school has-beens for throwing a ball across the field better than the others. How fun. "And now for our Westerberg tradition, our star Quarterback will give his winning jersey out!"  
  


Jd could not care less. He lit another cigarette, listened to the growing cheers, and watched as he expected Heather Chandler to be called up by Kurt. Or maybe Heather McNamara, the Quarterback and head cheerleader were kind of an expected match. But Heather had told him in one of her many rants that Heather and Ram liked each other, so Heather Chandler might just be the safest bet.

"Ahem, before I call out my lucky girl, I'd like to say a phew words. First, to Jefferson High, suck it losers!!" Kurt screamed into the mega-phone, simultaneously disgusting everyone and leaving them deaf. However, he was still met with loud applause. "I want to thank the team, we DOMINATED today!! And to Coach Taylor, who hooked us up with those red bulls before the game, you ROCK!!" Jd wasn't sure if that was allowed in the game, but the crowd didn't seem to mind, as they matched Kurt's energy.

"And finally, I want to thank the hot snatch who's getting this jersey tonight, because I always need someone hot to stare at while playing to keep me motivated. SO WESTERBERG, LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR....." the student body stomped on the metal bleachers for a drumroll effect, raising the hopes of every loner girl. Jd still wasn't sure why anyone cared that much if it was obviously just going to be one of the Heathers. "Veronica Sawyer!"

*

Veronica wasn't sure if she heard right. Heather kicked her in the shins, a sign to stand up. Oh, right. Stand up and take Kurt's jersey. How fun. An ideal thing. No, Veronica felt like she was going to be sick as she walked down the bleachers, the students parting like the dead sea. There was Kurt, grinning his stupid grin, holding his jersey. His gross, sweaty, nasty jersey. She could smell it from ten feet away. Veronica held her mouth, appearing to others like she was hiding her grin when she was really hiding a grimace. This was a nightmare. A full-fledged horror film where she walks towards the Quarterback... and he smiles like a shark... and he puts that disgusting jersey over her head.

Kurt pulled Veronica next to him by her waist, and he pumped his fist, holding his football helmet, into the air. Students cheered, there was confetti being thrown, and it was much too much for Veronica. It seemed like hours Veronica just stood there as the students went crazy, football players jumping on each other in a circle, cheerleaders hugging, students stomping. _Bu-bump, bu-bump, bu-bump._

Veronica was next to Kurt the whole time, only wanting to leave that horrible jersey. Heather was sending an approving glare her way, while the other Heather looked as uninterested as can be. Meanwhile, Heather McNamara was leading the students in their stomps. _Bu-bump, bu-bump, bu-bump._

Veronica wanted to disappear. When Heather grabbed her wrist and told her they were going to the afterparty, she wanted to disappear. Wanted to be gone. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

To Ram's car, about to pile in the back of a truck with the Heathers and half the football team. No seats, no roof, just their hair in the wind, and screams burning their throats raw. Veronica tipped her head back, letting the sound of the wind overcome all of her senses. Her need to leave. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

Heather grabbed her hand, her red scrunchie rubbing up against Veronica's arm. Her eyes seemed to say 'You've made it to the big leagues. You're popular. You are a Heather'. Veronica wasn't sure she wanted to be. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

The car stopped outside of Ram's huge house. No parents. No rules. Kurt picked Veronica up and threw her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing, and carried her into the house with the roaring crowd. Veronica noticed Heather Mac in a similar position with Ram. Cars filled with teens emptied the kids into the house, large and unwelcoming. Shots everywhere she could see. Shots that would quiet the noises in her head. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

Another and another, and not enough. The music victorious and loud, distracting her mind from the burning of the liquor and focusing it on the throbbing of her eardrums. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

More shots and more, something in a red solo cup. Dancing and dancing, pressed up against people who could either be your best friend or worst enemy. Veronica had no way of knowing. Kurt handed Veronica another drink, and she downed it in one gulp. No need to think about the life she left behind. No need to think about Martha... or Betty... or conversations with her mom. Books on Friday nights instead of parties, tea instead of vodka. But here she was, nonetheless, dancing with the Quarterback. Veronica knows this is wrong. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

_Boom._

_*_

Veronica woke up comfortable. In a bed. How did she get home? No, she wasn't home. This wasn't her bed. And someone was in bed with her. Heather? Hopefully. An arm was around her waist, and her head pounded like crazy. This was way worse than any hangover she'd ever had, and she drank as much as normal. An arm slung around her waist, legs combined with her's. She never slept like this with any of her friends. And none of her friends had such big arms and hairy legs...

She wanted to scream. She wanted to flail and kick and get the arm of a passed out Kurt off of her waist. But Veronica was frozen in fear. She remembered nothing after the drink Kurt gave her, just black. And now her clothes, her blue lace crop top, and flowy black skirt were on the ground. Kurt wasn't waking up anytime soon, so Veronica lightly lifted his arms off of her. He lightly stirred for just a moment before falling back into his alcohol coma. Veronica left the bed.

She was completely naked in a random room in a random house. Whether it was Kurt's or Ram's, Veronica wasn't sure. She found her top and skirt... but not her bra, underwear, or blazer. She felt just as bare as she out on the limited clothing than when she was naked. Bile rose and fell in her throat at a steady rhythm, her knees threatening to buckle beneath her. Something bad just happened, and she needed to get home. 

Her phone. It was on a brown dresser across from the bed. She had her phone, she had some of her clothes, and now she needed to get the fuck out of this place asap.

Veronica, against better judgment, decided the window was the best escape route. She pried it open and gazed down. First story bedroom, a jackpot. She quickly escaped. not bothering to close it before her. Veronica's legs collapsed underneath her despite the shortfall, and it became apparent. She couldn't walk home like this, especially since she didn't know where home was.

She needed to call someone. Her parents were off the table, for obvious reasons. Heather M? No, she'd bring her dad's Maserati, and Veronica would probably puke all over it. Martha or Betty? That's an awful idea. Heather C was the last person Veronica wanted to see right now, so there was really only one person left.

"Heather?"

*

Jd had grabbed Heather and ran. He left their helmets at the school, and he didn't fucking care. He drove them to his house, where his stupid father never was, and he yelled. He yelled about Veronica for being so damn oblivious to the entire world, for Heather C and how she felt the need to ruin everyone's life, and at himself. For ever thinking he had just a hint of a chance.

Heather slept on his bed that night, he had taken the couch. It was too much, and he just needed his friend there, even if she was a room apart. When morning came, he didn't feel any better. He was awaken by the sound of Heather's phone going off. Knowing Heather wasn't going to wake up, he picked it up and looked at the contact. Veronica.

Jd knew it would be wrong to take this call. It wasn't meant for him. But the person who it was meant for was passed out, so maybe he could pass a message across.

"Heather?" Jd was taken aback by Veronica's voice. She was clearly crying. Very hard. And Jd had no idea how to handle it.

"Oh, um, Heather's asleep... like not that we like are together or did anything or something like that I just ran over to her house we're really not-"

"She's- she's asleep?" Veronica asked in between sobs. Jd realized that she must not care what Jd was doing with Heather's phone.

"I can take a message," he added, hoping he was being helpful.

"Oh, no-no, ir's just, I needed her to-to... nevermind-mind, I'll just-"

"No, no, its ok! I can help, what do you need?" Jd was fully aware that he was butting in. But Veronica was crying, and he couldn't just sit there and let it happen.

"I just needed her to pick me up from somewhere..." 

Jd's heart dropped. Somewhere as in Kurt's house. Of course, he knew it was a tradition for the Quarterback to screw the girl he gave the jersey to, but he didn't think Veronica was like that. Still, he couldn't leave her to cry. "I'll pick you up. Where are you?"

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"It's fine, Veronica. Where are you?"

"I don't know-know, I... 2455 Maple Street..." she whispered into the phone, trying to hold back tears.

Jd sighed. "I'm on my way."


	3. Of Attacks and Aftermath

Jd wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know if Veronica would be ok with his motorcycle, so he stole his dad's car. Now he was parked outside the address she had given him, and no one was there. Was this all some stupid joke? 

"Pst, Jd! I'm right here," I heard a whisper. Veronica was hiding behind a tree. She looked pretty ridiculous, the tree was super tiny and flimsy. Jd suppressed a laugh. He walked over and offered her his hand so she could get into the car.

Veronica flinched away. Jd noticed for the first time how much terror was in her eyes. "Veronica, what happened?"

Veronica shook her head no several times. Jd was pretty frozen in shock when she started crying. Bawling, rather. He approached the shaking girl and tried to comfort her, but she quite literally ran away from him.

Veronica took several steps back and wiped her tears. "Is Heather here," she asked

"No, I can bring you to her though," Jd offered helpfully, still stumped on how to help the girl in front of him. He'd never been great at emotions, he just kind of ignored them whenever they happened. And helping others through theirs? That was a domain Jd was completely unfamiliar with and pretty unsuccessful with. 

"Hop in," he said, opening his passenger seat door.

*

Veronica was silent the entire time, minus some tears. She kept pulling her shirt up, and her skirt down. Jd kept his eyes on the road, but his mind on the topic. She seemed to be really, really upset, and she freaked out when he tried to touch her. Like, freaked out. If Kurt had anything to do with this...

They arrived at Jd's house with Heather on the front step, looking very mad. Jd had only left a note, saying ' _brb picking Veronica up',_ and he took her phone with him. "Jd, what the hell?" she asked in a rage, not looking at Veronica.

Jd quickly exited the car and ran up to Heather, leaving Veronica in. "You've got to go talk to her, she's hysterical and I don't know what to do,"

Heather sighed and got into the driver's seat. Jd couldn't hear what they were talking about, so he just watched as Veronica tearfully explained something to Heather. Jd saw Heather wince, and her eyes soften. Nothing good. Nothing good at all. Heather leaned over the seat and gave Veronica a hug, before exiting the car.

"Can I use the car to bring Veronica to my house? I'll bring it back right after," she asked, giving him a look as if to say ' _this is important,'_

"I mean yeah, here are the keys," Jd answered, handing the jangly keys to Heather. "Is she upset that she had drunk sex with Kurt?"

Heather looked like she was about to kill. "Say that again and I'll slap you. I got to go," she said, quickly running back to the car. Jd stared in confusion as they drove away. What even happened?

*

Veronica sat on Heather's bed, holding a pillow to her stomach. The tears stopped, she must be really dehydrated. But that wasn't what was on her mind. "Tell me what happened, Veronica," Heather said as softly as she could, handing her friend water. Veronica looked at her feet, swinging them over the side of her friend's bed. She didn't want to say.

"I don't really know. I was drunk, we were all dancing, Kurt gave me a drink. Next thing I knew I was in a bed with him and my clothes were gone. I think it was a drug. I didn't know, I swear. I swear Heather I didn't mean to-"

Heather cut off Veronica's rambling with a hug. She was ridged at first but melted into the sign of comfort. Veronica pulled away. "Is this some sort of sick tradition?" she asked, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of the shirt Heather gave her. "Because it's not-it's not very funny,"

Heather closed her eyes, remembering what Heather C had told her last year. "It's not a formal thing, but every year the Quarterback hooks up with the girl he gives the jersey to. He must have thought you weren't going to put out, so he slipped something in your drink..."  
  
  


Veronica took a deep inhale. "Can you please bring me home, I need to shower. I really, really, really need to shower."

Heather nodded, and took her hand. Veronica was going to have a hellish week.

*

Heather returned the car to Jd. She knew she should keep this a secret. She knew she would be a horrible person for telling Jd. But she also needed to tell him. He picked her up, and he was just as worried as she was. So despite Heather's better judgment, when Jd asked, she told.

"Kurt drugged her. I think, he gave her a drink and she blacked out, so that's what I'm assuming. You know what happened after that. So she woke up, her clothes on the floor, or at least some of her clothes-"

"What do you mean some of?"

"Only her top and skirt were there, he must have kept her- shit." Heather realized. She froze. Oh no.

"What?"

"He kept her underwear and bra as proof they screwed, he'll show the football team," Heather explained with a shudder. The only reason it didn't happen to Heather C last year was that she scared Kurt into giving them back. Kurt, obviously, still had Veronica's. "The whole school will know Monday... Veronica's life is over."

Jd looked horrified. "Well, then we have to do something!"  
  


"What can we do? God, we don't know if he's still asleep, or where he put them!"  
  


"I picked her up, I know where the house is. And I don't give a fuck if he's asleep or not." Jd looked possessed. Before Heather could get a word in, he ran out of his bedroom. Heather quickly followed, knowing she couldn't trust Jd to do anything stupid. Which was ironic, because neither could she.

*

Jd pulled his car up a block away from the house he picked Veronica up at. "Ok, so if he was drinking heavily last night, he should still be asleep. It's only... 10:00 am. I saw Veronica near an open window, you can slide in through there. I'll keep a lookout," Jd explained the plan to Heather, cracking his knuckles. His eyes were clouded, filled with a rage Heather had never seen before. And frankly, she was a little intimidated. 

"Got it,"

After walking for a bit, Heather located the window. She could easily climb and get through that. As soon as she landed in the room, a wave of nausea hit. It smelled like weed, beer, and something else. Kurt was passed out on the bed, as expected. Now Heather just had to find what he hid.

She quietly opened all the drawers in a cabinet, but they were bare. This must be a guest room. She looked all over, under curtains, and under the bed. She was looking under a desk when she heard Kurt start to stir. "Shit," she muttered, running to the window. "Jd! Kurt's waking up, what do I do?" she whispered frantically as the boy started to turn over.

"Keep looking," he said coldly. Before Heather could stop him, Jd had climbed in and was standing over Kurt. Heather quickly ran into the guest bathroom, to see if it was hidden there, but was met with Jd's voice. "I found it."

Heather carefully walked towards him, still not seeing anything. "Where?"

Jd silently pointed to Kurt, waking up. Heather gasped; there was a wad of blue fabric in his fist.

"Rrrrronica?" Kurt sleepily mumbled, looking to the side, seeing no one.

"Jd, we have to go right now," Heather whispered, trying to drag the boy out, with no avail.

Jd didn't look like himself. Staring wordlessly at Kurt, Heather couldn't read his mind. "Jd? Jd I'm going to the car, you have to follow!" Heather quickly jumped out the window as she heard Kurt start to mumble again. She was not up for getting arrested. 

Jd hadn't come back to the cart in 10 minutes. Heather was starting to worry, and she prayed he didn't do anything dumb. Knowing him, he probably saw Kurt wake and hid in the bathroom until he left. He'll come back at any moment, and they'll drive home.

"Heather, darling, you missed the best part!" 

Heather whipped her head around to Jd. "What the hell took you so- no you didn't. Jd, tell me why your hand is bleeding!"

Jd laughed a bit. "Same reason my eye's swelling. That asshole got what he deserved. He's lucky I didn't kill him."

*

"I still can't believe you beat the shit out of him while he was basically asleep..." Heather muttered as she bandaged Jd's hand. "Did you at least get what we came for?"

"Yep," he replied, throwing a ball of bunched up ball of blue fabric into Heather's trashcan. "She won't want those back,"

Heather sighed as she finished. "How bad was it?"

"You should've seen him! He's all bark, no bite. I kicked his ass with barely any effort," he gloated, the anger in his eyes subsiding. "Is Veronica ok?"

"No. And she won't be. She's probably still showering now," Heather replied, looking at her nails. She broke one while breaking into the room, but she didn't mind much. The acrylics were almost done anyways.

Veronica wouldn't be ok. How would she go to school? Even without proof, they couldn't stop Kurt from telling everyone. And knowing his ego, he would. There was no way to protect her from whatever was coming next- rumors, name-calling, all of it. Heather had seen it happen to girls before, and they never told anyone what happened. They just stayed silent and faded away before leaving Sherwood. And they never came back.

No doubt Veronica was strong. She endured all the bullying before becoming a Heather. But could anyone, even the strongest person alive, live through this? Or at least be ok after? Veronica had to be damaged. Badly damaged.

And who knows if she could be repaired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was boring and dark, but so is the storyline lmao. This made me sad so I'm going to go write a happy chapter in my other fic, thanks for reading!


	4. Of Heathers and Heathans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \----- TRIGGER WARNING-------
> 
> PLEASE proceed with caution while reading this next chapter, it includes graphic thoughts and descriptions of suicide, mentions of rape and sexual assault, as well as blackmail. Please stay safe!!

She couldn't go back to school on Monday. Not as Veronica Sawyer. No, she couldn't wear that name. Veronica Sawyer was a whore. A skank, a slut, easy. She was not Veronica Sawyer and she never would be again. She wasn't sure who she was, but she couldn't be that. But it was just as hard to shed the name as it would be to shed her skin. Her skin, suddenly not her's anymore. Touched by Kurt, taken, stolen. Even if she wanted to be Veronica Sawyer, she wasn't sure if she could be.

Maybe she could skip town. Runaway to Alaska, live with the mountain goats until she died. Not a bad life. Better than the one she currently had.

Or she could end this one. A bullet in her head, bleach in her coffee. She would be free from this body that wasn't her's, this body that was infected. She spent hours and hours scrubbing his marks, the bruises, and hickeys he left behind. But they wouldn't budge. Bite marks on her should, bruises on her neck. Red hand marks on her abdomen, his nails scrapped down her back. Her legs couldn't even hold her up, they kept collapsing. Whenever she tried to stand, she was reminded of that night.

It was only last night, on Friday. Jd had picked her up, and she had been worrying the entire time. She didn't have any underwear on, and she didn't know if Kurt had... finished inside her. Jd would know exactly what happened if anything got on his car seat. She had been scared that entire ride, even though she knew Jd wouldn't hurt her, she had no trust for any man. When he so much as offered her his hand, she got a flashback of being drunk out of her mind, dancing, waking up next to Kurt...'

Kurt. Kurt was evil. He couldn't have worn a condom? Did he?

She checked after. He did not.

Just Veronica's luck, she went off the pill for a month because it was breaking her out, and Heather said to. She didn't see a problem with it, because she didn't have sex anyway. But now, Kurt didn't wear a condom, and she was screwed. If she got pregnant, the Kurt in her would never leave. Ever. But what could she do in Ohio? Their local CVS didn't carry the morning-after pill, and Veronica wasn't sure if she would be able to deal with an abortion. 

That wasn't the only thing to be worried about. The bruises and hickeys covered her body and were extremely noticeable. They had only started forming once Veronica got home, but it was bad. A necklace of bruises and a red swollen lip was the worst part. Along with the hair. After her shower, she noticed clumps falling out. He must have pulled. Her body was far too damaged to ever be normal again. God, she couldn't even stand up. She was confined to her stupid bed, that creaked just like his. And had the same color sheets as his... 

He had tainted her life. She needed to end it. End it right away. From Veronica's perspective, she had four options.

1) She moves away. She would need her parent's permission, and they would probably ask why. She could just say she was being bullied, and they'd probably go for it. But they might just tell Ms. Flemming, or send her to a therapist... no, this option was too risky.

2) Kill Kurt. Not realistic, not going to happen, but a girl can only dream...

3) Ascend into an untouchable status. Heather Chandler screwed any guy she wanted but was never called a whore. Only a bad bitch. And why? Because people respected her. She made the calls at Westerberg, she scared the student body shitless. If she could just teach Veronica a bit of that... she could scare Kurt into keeping his mouth shut. She could demand respect, and get it. Yet that wasn't her. Could she really live for the rest of the year pretending to be someone she's not? It's been impossible this last week or two... plus, Heather loves being the only top dog. She would never want to share the throne.

4) Descend back into nerd life. Wear crazy oversized sweaters and scarves, and live on the download. Forget everything shes ever learned about being popular and stick to her studies, so she can get into Harvard, Duke, or Brown, and leave this horrid town. There were multiple flaws to this plan though. First, the Heathers wouldn't let this happen. They'd yank her back up or make her life hell. No letting her go back. Second, her reputation would still be tarnished. Kurt would still tell.

But what proof did he have? She could just deny it and-

No. Veronica's heart almost stopped. Kurt Kelly had her bra and underwear. He had proof of everything. He could tell the team her bra size, the lace color. Shit, the lace. Everyone would think she wanted it if they saw her underwear. Heather told her to always wear lingerie underneath her clothes at parties, so if your bra strap is showing, it looks purposeful. But now Kurt had them in his possession, and he had proof. No matter what, Veronica had no more future.

He could expose her for all she's worth. If he played his cards right, he could make her unable to get into college. This boy could ruin her life, more than he already has.

There were now two options. Two horrible, inhumane options for Veronica. She could hang herself, put a bullet in her skull, overdose on sleeping pills, whatever. Her life would be over, and therefore her problems.

The next solution got rid of a portion of her problems. She could kill Kurt. Now, Veronica was never one to think about murder. She knew it was wrong, and she didn't want to do it. But Kurt had hurt her so much...

No. More hurt wasn't the solution. The solution was to end it all. And that's what's Veronica was going to do.

*

"Jd, can you please drop this note to Veronica? I couldn't text it in case her parents found it. Don't read it, just give it to her. I'm headed off to Heather M's house, we're baking cookies for her grandma. Apparently her rich husband died, she didn't seem too sad. Anyway, thanks a bunch! Bye!"

Heather threw a sealed letter at Jd, promptly shutting the door before he could get a word in. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to visit Veronica, she seemed... fragile, to say the least. When he touched her shoulder, she had a full-blown panic attack. Maybe jumping through her window wasn't the best idea.

But Jd was never one to think. It was a short ride, Veronica lived close by. He scaled the house, looking for her room. He found it facing the backyard, her figure sitting on the bed, her face turned away. Jd had to climb a tree to get in, but it was fine. He opened the window and stepped in. 

"Hey, Veronica. Are you doing ok? Heather told me to give this to you... what the fuck are you doing?!"

Jd lunged at the girl and swiped the bottle of pills from her hands. Sleeping pills. She was trying to overdose. "Veronica, what the fuck?!" he aggressively threw the bottle across the room and kneeled down in front of her. Uh oh.

Bruises and hickeys were covering her tear-stained neck and face. Purple and green marks in a circle around her neck... she must have been chocked. Her arms were covered in claw marks and bruises, she had sweatpants on, but he didn't doubt her legs had gotten the same treatment. It looked like she had been seriously beaten up in an MMA fight.

"Stare, why don't you? Why the fuck are you in my room, that stupid childproof cap won't budge! Get away from me!" she yelled getting off her bed to getaway. A cruel reminder of the event occurred as she fell, her legs abandoning her once more. Defeated, Veronica stayed on the ground and curled up, burning her face into her arms. God, even that hurt like hell. "Just let me escape this nightmare in peace,"

Jd took the bottle of pills and threw them out the window. She wasn't getting hold of those anytime soon. "Veronica, you look like hell,"

"Yeah? Maybe because I've been through it! I told you, just let me escape."

"No," was Jd's simple reply as he sat down next to her, wincing as he saw her flinch. "Veronica, killing yourself will only make this worse. Do you want to give Kurt the satisfaction of you giving up?"  
  


"This is not my giving up! I have no other choice, don't you see? Kurt thought it would be just a great idea to not wear a condom after he _drugged_ me, so now I might be pregnant. Oh, and now I've got scars to last a lifetime all over me. You said it yourself, I look like hell, and always will. Kurt had to swoop in to make me unloveable. Damaged goods, better off gone. No one slut shames a dead girl, so when Kurt spills all the details on whatever the hell he did, no one will judge me! Oh, do you know he has my bra and underwear? Perfect, right? Now the whole school can know how big my boobs are! Kurt can pass them around for all I care. Just what I needed, to become jerk off materiel to some boy who probably bullied me in junior year! So no, Jd, this is not me _giving up,_ this is me helping the world by getting rid of one more lost cause. So if you excuse me..."

Veronica still couldn't stand by herself, but she was going to get to that open window. Whatever it takes.

She limped over, and right as she started her fall, she felt hands around her waist pulling her back. She grabbed them, attempting to pry them off, to no avail. She was yanked back into the room by Jd, as she screamed. "Get the fuck off of me! Don't touch me! Get off, get off, get off..." Veronica's voice died away as Jd set her down on her bed, still sobbing. "Don't touch me..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Veronica, I will stay here all night, you can't kill yourself. Please, please..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Veronica, we can make him pay, take him away instead of you..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Please just listen to me..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Veronica, I love you..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"He's gone, you're safe..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Veronica..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"Veronica..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"VERONICA..."

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

_Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

"LEAVE ME ALONE, KURT!!!"

_Boom._

_*_

She thought he was Kurt. Here she was, sleeping, and she thought he was Kurt. He didn't know what to do... the girl he loved tried to kill herself twice in front of him. He made sure it didn't happen, but he had to grab her and pull her back to save her. But he touched her, and she thought he was Kurt.

Jd had really screwed up. Veronica associated him with Kurt, the guy who had literally raped her. It was all over for them. No more hope.

And worse yet, Veronica never knew. She never knew the nights he spent thinking about her smile, about the way her hair bounced, the way she answered questions in English class. She'll never know the countless notes he wrote her, just for him to chicken out and throw them away. No, Veronica Sawyer would never know the love Jd had for her. Well, he did sort of word vomit it out, but he doubted she processed that. 

They would never have a chance again. No, Kurt Kelly had taken it all. He took her first time, which she was obviously supposed to be awake for, and it was supposed to be with the right person. He marked her up and left pieces of him all over her small body. Kurt took her future.

Now Jd needed to take his.

He could bribe Kurt out into the woods... and he could get him to confess. He'd ask for advice on how to bang a girl who didn't like him back, and Kurt would probably start bragging. He would record it secretly, and once Kurt was done... boom. Bullet in his brainless head.

A suicide note maybe, say he was hiding the true him or some shit. Plant the gun down and leave.

Veronica couldn't know. All she needed to know was that she was safe now.

Because Jd cleansed the world.


	5. Of Red Dye/Die and Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for graphic descriptions of rape/non-con, and murder.

The plan of a god could kill one too. That was what it was- the plan of a god.

Jd knew there was no more hope for him and Veronica, she associated him with her horrible memories. But just because Jd excepted this cruel fate didn't mean he was ok with it. He would never love another woman the same- possibly never love another period. She was his once in a lifetime, but he was hardly her's. No, she would have the best life possible, she would go to Harvard, meet a lawyer, get married. She'd have four perfect children and live a content life.

Or maybe he'd give her more. Maybe Veronica would meet her soulmate in the form of a best friend, who would travel with her, adventure upon adventure. She'd finally leave Sherwood, and her full capacity to love could be used. Maybe she'd meet a mysterious man in France, or a kind one in Peru. Jd didn't know what her future held, and if he wasn't in it, then so be it. He just needed to make sure she had one, and the only way to do that was to eliminate Kurt Kelly.

Getting him to agree to meet Jd in the woods behind Westerberg was surprisingly easy considering Jd had broken into his house and beat him bloody just two days before. Over the phone, he managed to convince Kurt that he mistook Veronica leaving his room for his girlfriend, and he had freaked. After many apologies and a promise of pot, Kurt had agreed to give Jd all the juicy details of the party.

He probably assumed that Jd was just some sad loner boy looking for masturbation material from one of the hottest girls at Westerberg, but he couldn't be more wrong. Jd had a fully loaded gun and a typed out suicide note in his back pocket, along with a tape recorder. Jd wasn't sure what he would do with the confession, but it would certainly come in handy if the true natures of Kurt's death were ever found.

So that's how Jd ended up in this situation, at 9:30 pm, sitting with his back against a tree. Kurt said he'd be there by 9:25, but he obviously was going to be a bit late. So Jd just sat and waiting, looking up at the sky and counting the stars. Sherwood didn't have as much light pollution as some of the other towns he lived in, like Chicago. No, you could see every aspect in the night sky, and it was quite calming. Watching the stars swirling lightly before his eyes was almost therapeutic, and Jd wouldn't have stopped if Kurt hadn't shown.

But he did. "Ahem, Ld? The weed?" Kurt Kelly's voice rang from a few feet away, his words slightly slurred. Does this guy ever stay sober? Still, Jd stood and faced him. It took more self-control than he cared to admit for him to not pounce on the boy and rip his head off, but he stayed calm. Kurt held out his huge hand, silently asking for the payment. Jd cocked an eyebrow.

"Woah Kurt, slow down. Payment will occur only _after_ I get all the details," Jd said through a fake, toothy smile. Kurt rolled his eyes, and Jd took that as his cue to turn the recorder on. He didn't want to hear about how this monster hurt his Veronica, but he needed evidence, and this is how he would get it.

Kurt laughed cockily. "Slow your roll, dude, don't bust one in your pants. It's really hot, you might need to sit down," Kurt said, as he flopped down, criss-cross, onto the forest floor. So first, I win the homecoming game, cause I'm a fucking legend and all that shit. Next, I get to give my jersey to some girl, and I was actually planning on Heather M. Heather C got it last year, and you can't do it twice in a row, so Heather M was the next best option. But she spreads her legs for practically anyone on the team, and that wasn't a challenge. Plus, Veronica looked so damn hot on the bleachers, and I wasn't craving casual fucking. Like, I had all this adrenaline from winning, and I needed to get really intense with someone, or something, really hot. And Veronica looked easy to toss around, so I could get all those feelings out on her. It was perfect!

"So, I give her the jersey. I originally planned to just convince her to let me wreck her body, but the way she tensed in my arms, I didn't think she'd even want me to touch her. So I brought her to the back of Ram's truck, and I saw her get high off the wind. That gave me an idea, Ram and I have this friend from Remmington College who hooked us up with roofies a few weeks before, and I hadn't used mine. So I got her really drunk, grinding on her a little bit, before giving her a laced beer. I swear you've never seen anything like it! Her eyes got cloudy, and she was wobbling. She fell onto me, put her small hands on my chest, and looked up at me like I was God. It felt amazing!"

It took all of Jd to nod and smile. Veronica's hands should only be on him, only looking at him like he was God. Because with Veronica, he was.

Kurt continued. "So she slumped on me, and people assumed she was just blackout drunk. So I told the Heathers that I would drive her home, but I went to my house. My folks weren't home, so I had the whole house. I threw her onto the bed, I was super pissed. I wasn't in the mood for affection, I just needed her as like, a toy. So I stripped her, and I was like, shocked. Because I thought she was a total prude, we all did! But she was wearing this light blue lingerie-"

"Light blue?" Jd cut in, confused. The lingerie he had taken from Kurt's hands was clearly navy. Kurt looked slightly taken aback.

"Yeah, light, I don't know, the sky. So obviously this was proof she wanted it, and she was a hidden slut. So I took a bunch of pictures of her, it was so funny, she looked so cheap. She was sprawled out in her fancy ass panties with her eyes closed and mouth open. So after I just stared and took pictures, I got really impatient. I wanted her face to match her underwear, thought that would make a nice picture. So I chocked her until I thought she might die, then I stopped. I'm not a monster, duh. So I did what I wanted, but I overestimated how much she would weigh, so she ended up on the floor. I just dragged her back by the hair, and I fucked her for like two hours. At one point, she started to open her eyes, so I grabbed a dark blue bra that was from some other girl, and it put it over her eyes to make her fall back asleep. I thought it would also be really hot to put the matching underwear in her mouth, make her shut up. Trust me, it was awesome!

"I haven't told anyone about it yet, but I have the hottest videos and photos of her that I have scheduled to automatically post on Monday. Plus I have her bra and underwear, I usually trade some sucker the pair for cash, and they use them to jerk off. But I think I'll just show everyone them then keep 'em, I want to remember the tightest I ever had. Anything else you want to know? Bra size, huge. Ass, fine. Oh, and it was obvious to was expecting it because she was shaved down-"

"That's enough, Kurt. I have questions. Did you drug her?" he asked, looking straight into the boy's eyes menacingly. Kurt suddenly did not feel safe.

"I mean, yeah,"

"Is that rape?"

"What are you asking dude?" Kurt said, throwing his hands up. _If only you knew, Kurtsie._

"Did you rape her?"

"Yeah, but she didn't say no." he firmly stated. God, this kid was sicker than Jd.

Jd nodded. That was all he needed on tape. He turned the recorder off, relieved he didn't hear anymore. He would need to get his anger out on Kurt, maybe through a beat before the gunshot. He had one more question that needed to get answered. "You said you had pictures set to upload onto the internet,"

Kurt beamed proudly. "Yep, a trick my dad taught me. It's a timer, and I could stop it, but it's kind of a power thing. You know how it is," he grinned as if he expected Jd to relate to such a sick, twisted, horrible thing.

"What type of photos?" he asked, slowly removing his gun.

"Well she was asleep, so I just moved her around into different positions- the ones I'm posting she had her panties and bra on, cause she's still 16 and that's like illegal. Do you want to see them, I'll show you my computer!" Kurt exclaimed, looking like a kid wanting to brag to his friends about his Christmas presents.

Jd didn't want to see them. Well, he wanted to see Veronica in her underwear, but not drugged on Kurt Kelly's bed. But if he got into his house, he could delete the photos, and kill Kurt right there, making the location a whole lot less suspicious. Yes, Jd would have to stomach it. For Veronica.

*

"And here her ass is fully up, like a-"

"Ok Kurt, I got it! Cool photos, very um... nasty. I have the weed, if you want it," Jd said, averting his eyes from the promiscuous photos and videos and Veronica that was plastered on Kurt's computer screen. 

"Duh, I didn't show you my bitch's ass for free. Hand it over, bro," Kurt said. Here was where Jd encountered a problem. 1) he needed to get Kurt out of the room so he could delete the photos and videos before he killed him, and 2), he had no weed. Well, he technically did, actual weeds from his backyard in a small plastic bag. But Kurt was known to get high on the weekends. so he would definitely notice if Jd handed him a bag of dandelions. 

An idea struck. Jd walked over to Kurt's window, the same window that carried so much pain. He opened it and threw the bag out. "Ok Kurt, _fetch,"_ Jd smirked as he watched anger rise on the quarterback's face. Muttering protests, Kurt left the room to retrieve the bag. Jd only had about 1 minute to get everything deleted before he came back, as he would need to flee as soon as the gun goes off.

Jd sat on Kurt's worn leather desk chair and selected all the photos. There were a lot, and since Jd was deleting all the photos, not just the ones he was going to upload, Jd felt a surge of guilt. Veronica would feel so violated if she knew that Jd was looking at her in such situations, even if his motives were to remove the images. _Click, click, click._ God, there were almost 100, and Kurt was going to be back anytime soon. _Click, click, click,_ there! Delete. Gone forever, hopefully. _And with time to spare,_ Jd thought as he heard Kurt's heavy footsteps approach the door. Time to bring out the gun. 

"Look, dude, I don't know what your issue is but-" Jd watched in glee as the color slowly drained from Kurt's face. The new, loner kid was standing in front of him, a finger to his lips, with a gun to his head.

"My issue? Kurt, tell me why you think touching what isn't your's is ok?" he asked, cocking the gun with a huge grin. Revenge. Kurt stumbled over his words, holding his hands up in a 'don't shoot!' position. "I'll ask again. Why did you break what was never yours?"

Kurt managed a small, weak laugh. "So this is a jealousy thing? You could've just asked me to-"

"NO! Tell me why the _fuck_ you took what wasn't yours!!!!" Jd lost all control, screaming at Kurt like a madman. He swears he saw tears in the boy's eyes as his arm shook, his finger firmly on the trigger.

"It was just for fun man, put down the fun!" Kurt yelled. Jd snickered. Interesting last words. His vision went red, his finger shook. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

_Boom._

_*_

"Heather!! Did you hear the news? I've been a mess al afternoon!" 

A girl dressed in yellow threw herself into the arms of Heather Duke, her face stained red with tears. She gripped onto her green jacket for dear life as if she would fall and never get back up again. Heather had not heard any news but judging by Heather's reaction, it was pretty tragic. Heather took her hand and sat her down on a bench in the park where she had been walking her dog. The wood underneath them was dry and cracking, but that was the least of her concerns. What on earth had caused Heather to break down like this? "Heather, what happened?"

A look of shock spread across the taller girl's face. "Oh, you didn't hear..." Heather took Heather's hand in hers, as she braced her for what Heather assumed to be a lifechanging tragic event. "Heather, Kurt killed himself last night. His dad found him on his bed, a bullet in his head, gun in his hand. His suicide note was awful Heather, so upsetting. I never knew he felt so much pain!" she exclaimed, holding her chest with one hand as if her heart were to fall out at any minute.

Kurt. Dead. The day after Veronica had attempted suicide with Jd in the room. Kurt committed suicide after hurting Veronica, at the same time Jd told her he couldn't hang out. That he had plans. Plans he couldn't discuss. Heather cleared her thought. "Do they, um, know it's suicide? I just didn't peg him to ever do such a thing..." Heather trailed off, staring at the ground.

Heather nodded sadly. "Yep, his wrists were slit and there was a note next to him," Heather explained. Her dad was head of the police department in Sherwood, so she was always the first to know when something like this happened. Granted, nothing like this ever had happened...

"Heather, was there anything else at the scene?" Heather asked, trying desperately to believe it was suicide, that her best friend who had openly talked to her about his fantasies of killing Kurt in cold blood, was innocent. She wanted to believe he was ok more than nothing, wanted to believe his head was still on his shoulders.

"A red slushy"

Fuck.


	6. Of Stupid Cops and Smashed Computers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also slightly darker, but soon we'll be on the road to recovering!

A red slushy. Jd is the biggest fucking idiot on planet earth.

What was he thinking? He said it was a statement, like a 'mark' to show the world it was him who got rid of Kurt, but Heather Duke was convinced he was just brain dead. Jd left fingerprints everywhere- everywhere! The suicide note was _printed_! It is literally the most obvious thing in the entire world: Kurt was killed. Any cop, or person, with half a brain, could see that. If they checked the date a cherry slushy was bought and then asked the cashier who it was- boom. Jd. If they checked for fingerprints on the gun or knife? Boom. Jd. He was supposed to be the _smart_ one of the two. He was the brains, Heather was- well, Heather was everything else. But Jd was the brains! How could he be so stupid?

She sort of knew the answer. During a late-night study session, before everything fell to shit, Jd told Heather he loved Veronica. Heather had said nothing back. 

He didn't even know her. He just stared at her, they sometimes exchanged quotes from fancy poets in their AP Lang class, and he stared some more. He could barely form words around her, they hadn't had a real conversation! He didn't know that she was terrified of spiders, yet somehow loved snakes (the far scarier of the two). He didn't know her favorite book was Pride and Predjustic, and that she thought Moby Dick was too dull. He had no idea how much Veronica wanted to leave this town- even Heather didn't know to the extent, but she knew it was a lot.

No, he didn't _love_ her, he just wanted to be with her. And that's fine, tons of boys in Westerberg wanted to be with Veronica or the Heathers, it was obvious. But to kill for her- when he didn't even know her- that was too far. Even if Kurt deserved it, which he did, the law would have handled it better. Seen him rot in prison, living like a slave more years. But he deserved to at least see another day, and Jd shouldn't have taken that.

Right after Heather had told her the news, she dropped her dog off at her house and barged into Jd's, letting herself in. She knew he had done it, and she was pissed. Seriously, how could he have been so stupid?

He claimed he never meant it to happen, and he explained the photo situation. Heather felt sick but was glad they were all gone. "Should we tell Veronica? I feel like she has the right to know..." Heather worried. If something like that happened to her, she would want to know. After all, what do the adults tell you in school when they don't want you to take nudes? Nothing is truly deleted from the internet. And if Veronica's pictures are still out there- she needs to know.

"I don't know Heather, she's really fragile right now. She kept telling me she was damaged goods, and she tried to kill herself. News like this might send her into another spiral," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. Damn it, he had a point. Heather wanted to keep Veronica safe but at the same time...

"Well, you should have thought of that before you killed Kurt!" she yelled, too loud. Heather quickly covered her mouth with both hands, shocked that it flew out like that. The two froze, listening carefully to see if anyone heard. After a minute with no movement, they relaxed. "I'm sorry, but she does need to know. You said they were explicit?" Jd nodded. "Ok, then there's probably a law to tell her. Do you want me to come with you?" she asked, closing the discussion. 

Jd nodded. "But I don't think I should keep coming in through her window, it freaks her out," he explained. Heather rolled her eyes, why did he think that was ever a good idea? Front door, much?

"Her parents haven't been home this weekend, they're on a business trip in California. She's home alone, we can do through the front door," Heather said as she grabbed the keys to her car. How can you tell someone something like this?

"Wait!" Jd said, stopping in his tracks. Heather turned to him, confused. "How will we explain how I know about the photos? She'll figure it out sooner or later..."

Oh shit. That _is_ a problem. What were they going to do, storm into her house in her most fragile state, announce that Jd not only murdered her rapist but caught him on tape admitting to everything? Oh, and then Jd found super risque and humiliating pictures that would surely ruin your life, so he deleted them all- he _thinks._ He had to leave fast. Anyway, Veronica, we now need you to carry the weight of this ginormous secret and never tell anyone the truth! Thanks!

Nope. "Shit, maybe I can say Kurt told Ram who told me, and then I deleted them? Or you did? I don't know, we don't have many options..."

Jd looked at her. "We could come clean. I confess to her that Kurt is gone, that I- wait, have you seen her since that night?" Jd cut himself off with a new thought. Heather shook her head no as an answer. "What if she doesn't know that Kurt is dead?"

*

It felt slightly illegal when Heather reached under a potted plant on Veronica's doorstep for the key. Jd wasn't sure how she knew it was there, but he didn't ask. His main concern was how they were going to tell Veronica. Would she be happy that she was free, or upset with the morality issues of the situation? Jd didn't know, but he hoped it was the former.

"Heather, I don't know if I should come in... she didn't think it was me last time," Jd suddenly blurted, surprising even himself.

"What does that mean?" she whispered as they quietly shut the door behind them.

"She was having a panic attack and she called me Kurt before she passed out," Jd answered, not moving. If he freaks her out, he'd feel awful.

"She was probably just reliving what happened... it'll be ok, let's go," Heather whispered back as the climbed the stairs. Veronica was probably in her room, they'd check there first. What they'd fin, they weren't sure.

Heather knocked on the door gently three times. "Veronica? It's Heather D and Jd, we're coming in," she said softly. The door opened.

It was almost expected. Veronica, her back facing the two, curled up with covers. But the room surprised Jd, it was different than when he was last here. Where there used to be band posters, there was an empty wall. It was eerily clean as if no one had lived in it for years. On her desk were nothing but a diary and a large container of Lysol wipes. Strange. Veronica heard Heather's words and sat up to face us. Her hair in a messy bun held together with a blue scrunchy. Her eye bags were intense; it looked like she'd hadn't got a drop of sleep in years. She didn't look shocked or alarmed that we had practically broken into her house, no, she looked rather unbothered. "What is it?"

Heather cleared her throat. "Well, we need to tell you some things, just so you know everything. First, have you been eating?" Heather asked, kneeling down next to Veronica on the bed. God, she looked ghostly. The bruises had not faded one but on her pale skin, but had taken on more blue and green hues. Veronica smiled and rubbed her eyes. It was frightening how... normal she seemed.

"Not hungry. What do you need to tell me?" she asked her tone even and calm. It was unsettling.

"Oh Veronica, your bruises! I am so sorry, you don't need to worry about him anymore," Heather promised. Veronica placed her hand on hers and nodded. Shit, she didn't know. Jd decided to allow Heather to explain, he would probably fuck up and confess. That would not be good. "Veronica... Kurt committed suicide last night. He shot himself," Jd was surprised how easily she lied. She told Veronica this as though she was talking about the weather forecast for tomorrow. The vibes of the room were way off for the situation.

Veronica sat up straighten and dropped her hands. "He what?" she asked, her voice a mixture of fear, panic, and slight relief. It was almost comical, she seemed to be the one most upset. Maybe she didn't believe it was suicide. She was smart, after all. "Kurt's dead?"

"Yes, Veronica. He's gone. And... and before Kurt died, he told Ram about something, and Ram told me. Veronica, I need you to listen to all of this before you freak out, ok?" Veronica nodded in response, bracing herself for something horrible. "So, while you were unconscious, Kurt took some photos and videos. There were-"

"Photos and videos of _what?"_ Veronica quickly interrupted, breaking the agreement. He didn't blame her panic, those were life-changing things.

"Photos and videos of you in... explicit poses. Some of them you had underwear on, others you didn't. Jd and I heard about this after Kurt's death, so Jd hacked Kurt's computer and we think he deleted all of them. We aren't 100% sure, though, so we needed to tell you," Heather finished, looking down at her shoes.

Veronica grabbed a pillow for support. "Kurt... dead... photos... fuck, I feel like I'm going to faint," Veronica muttered out, grabbing her forehead. Jd and Heather quickly rushed to her side, holding her steady so she didn't fall. Once she regained her balance, she looked nothing less than completely horrified. "He took- and videos too? Fuck. Fuck! And you-you saw them?!" she asked with a nervous stutter, turning to Jd.

"No! Well, yes, but I didn't look at anything, I just pressed delete, I swear!" Jd defending, realizing the mistake of saying it was him.

Veronica curled up in a ball shape and buried her head into her arms. "He's dead, he's dead. Why did he do it?" she sobbed. Heather and Jd looked at each other, confused. She was taking this way harder than they had expected. She looked at them with a tear-stained bruise ridden face. "Did he ever say wh-why?" she asked. Heather put a hand comfortingly on her arm.

"Veronica, he was depressed. He was hiding the real him. Don't worry, he's gone now. He'll never touch you again. You're free," she said. Veronica turned away from them, staring at an empty wall that once had a million 'Big Fun' posters decorating it.

"Am I free? We don't know if everything's deleted!" she said quickly, almost getting out of her bed.

"No, Veronica, stay there. Jd, go get water. Go!" she hissed an order, and off Jd was. "Veronica we think they're all gone, but we can recheck. Jd knows how to hack it, we can make sure if you need," Heather said soothingly. Veronica nodded.

"Ok, just don't-don't let him see anything. This is humiliating enough already. God, I'm a slut," she muttered, shutting her eyes and squeezing them tight. 

"I won't- and don't say that, you know it's not true, Kurt took advantage-"

"Of the fact that I was already drunk. I did that. He gave me a drink in a random cup and I just drank it. No questions asked! Did I tell you a fun little secret about this Heather? Jd knows," Veronica said, her face in an unsettling fake smile.

"Ronnie, tell me-"

"Kurt didn't wear a condom. My period is late. I might be having a dead rapist's baby."

*

Jd and Heather were back at her house. They had made Veronica eat some toast, which took a lot of convincing and gave her water. Heather promised to delete all the photos and videos and to come back the next day. With a pregnancy test.   
  


Jd slammed a book down on her desk. "If he got her pregnant, I'll-"

"You'll what? You already murdered him! What's worse?" she asked, quite over Jd. "Don't act like this is some big wrong against you, it's not! This is Veronica's battle, not yours, so don't act like you're fighting in it!" she said, frustrated. He was acting so immature, so whiny. Making it all about himself!  
  


"Damn it, Heather, you aren't taking this seriously enough! How is she going to go to school covered in bruises and scrapes and hickeys- she can't! So she's missing out on an education, her pictures may still be out there, and she might be having her rapist's baby. Plus, you could tell how much pain she was in! I won't ignore this, I'm going to get Kurt's computer," he stated, standing up. Heather thought he was insane. 

"Don't go through it until you've brought it back! She made me promise that you wouldn't see any of them!" Heather yelled, making sure he heard.

"I wasn't going to look! Do you think I'm a monster, Heather?" he asked, turning around. He was _mad._ His eyes darkened, full of rage.

"No, Jd, she's just embarrassed, please just bring it back!"

"Ok, whatever!"

*

"I'm in," said Jd, his face inches away from a computer screen. How wrong, hacking a dead man's computer. Well, if he deserved to die, he deserved a hacked computer. "I'll go to his iCloud, that's where they'd be stored..."

"Ok, let me take it from here. I'll tell you if I find anything," Heather said, moving the laptop onto her legs. Jd sighed, and flopped onto her bed. He knew it was right, and that he shouldn't have a part in this, but he wanted to make sure they were all gone. He needed to be sure.

"I found something... oh lord, delete. Ok, seems- nope, another... delete. Ok she's clothed in this one but I'll delete it anyway... are these gone forever or do they go into some recently deleted folder?" she asked Jd.

"Oh, right! Go to recently deleted, all the photos and videos that I deleted will still be there. Just go quick and delete all that you see. It's easier if you focus of the trash icon," he added. 

Heather did as he said, quickly deleting them all so she didn't have to see. Occasionally she'd get a glimpse of something horrible, and gasp. It was disgusting, all of it. She never admitted he Jd was right- but Kurt Kelly deserved to die. He deserved to pay for what he did to Veronica in blood. And she was glad that he did. "They're all gone. Now go smash that computer, I never want to see it again,"

Jd grabbed it, and almost left the room without stopping. But in the doorway, he turned to Heather. "I don't love her. Heather, I'm in love with her and she is so damaged and I have no ides what to do," he declared, before leaving, not wanting a response. He just needed it off his chest. Way to make an exit.

"Me and you both..." Heather muttered. "Me and you both."


	7. Of Skipping School and Flavored Juuls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica can let go.
> 
> In which Jd holds his own.
> 
> In which Heather finally breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, but I had some shit to cover, so yeah!

"Mom, I know you guys are in California- yeah.... ok, I'm not feeling well- yes, it's just my stomach- ok, can I stay home from school? Call the school and- ok, thanks mom, love you," Veronica Sawyer muttered into her phone as she laid on her bed. All the concealer in the world couldn't cover her injuries, so she didn't even try. Maybe Heather could bring her her homework, so she wouldn't fall behind. Until then, Veronica would stare at her ceiling, write another diary entry about how tainted she felt, and fall asleep. What a sad thing her life had become.

She twirled a piece of her once perfectly straightened, shiny hair between her fingers. She hadn't used heat on it since the party, so it had returned back to it's naturally frizzy, curly state. The contestant showering didn't help with the dryness, but Veronica didn't care. Scrub off skin cells, scrub off Kurt Kelly. She didn't wash or condition her hair, she couldn't. Her hands only grabbed body wash and a loofah and washed away. Put her head under the water, listen to the defining sounds. Louder than the echoes in her head, they soothed her mind. If only she could stay in there forever. Sometimes she tried.

Heather was supposed to come by after school. Pregnancy test. The thought made Veronica want to throw up, which wasn't a good sign. If she was pregnant, maybe she would just kill herself. She couldn't get an abortion, she'd be the talk of the town. In conservative Ohio, everyone would automatically know of her situation, and everyone would deem her a murderer. If she had the baby, she would be a town disgrace, being pregnant at 16 out of wedlock. No real choice, Veronica would probably run away. Sounds extreme, but she would. Or maybe she could hide the pregnancy by reverting back to her old style, then have the baby during summer before she heads to Harvard, and give it up for adoption. Shew didn't want to think about it. Having a part of Kurt inside her. He's given her enough scars already. 

Veronica stood up and made her way to her dresser. Hadn't changed since the morning after, and she wanted something more comfortable. She changed into her royal blue sweatpants and a black tank top, fully aware that this ould be what she was wearing for at least another week. She should eat breakfast. But she won't. One meal all weekend, a piece of toast Heather and Jd had practically forced her to eat. She almost threw it up after. Gross.

Veronica finished changing and looked in the mirror. What a mess she became. Her eye was swollen, and so was her lip. The bruises and cuts on her face deemed her practically unrecognizable to the untrained eye, and she didn't like it. She didn't like that she wasn't Veronica any more. She was a tragedy. She took her wide-toothed comb and gently pulled it through her hair, removing the tangles. Put in oil, the whole shit she did when Heather told her it was time to have curly hair. There. Her hair looked nice, her nails were still painted, and her outfit was fine. It wasn't just the skin that was damaged, it was the person under it. Damaged goods. Pure virgin teen no more.

Just as Veronica finished with her hair, her doorbell rung. Odd, the school started in 20 minutes. It would probably be Heather, checking on her to ask if she ate. Veronica would say yes. Veronica was good at lying. She hopped down the stairs, each step rattling the outdated banister. She opened the door.

It wasn't Heather. Jd stood there in his school clothes, with a sealed bag, a sticky note on it. _Veronica,_ it read. "Hi, Veronica, Heather wanted me to give this to you, I don't know what's in it," he said, handing her the opaque back.

"Thanks, Jd," she replied, trying to smile. She was unsuccessful.

"Yeah, no problem. Um, just so you know, we deleted all the photos, and we smashed the computer, so no one knows," he said, trying to eliminate her constant fear of being found out.

"You both- shoot, I asked Heather to do it so you didn't see-"

"No, no she did it I just smashed the computer! Only me you and Heather know Veronica, it'll be ok," he interrupted. Shoot, she really was embarrassed about it. He wanted to hug her, to tell her it was all Kurt and not her, that she didn't do a single thing wrong. She just seemed to shrink at his words, though.

"And Ram..." she trailed off, looking behind Jd into the sky. Jd raised an eyebrow, how would Ram know? "Well, Heather says she found out about the pictures through Ram, cause Kurt told him before he... before he died-"

"No, that's not how we found out!" Jd blurted quickly. Shoot. She knew something was up. How was he going to explain this one? Fuck, he fucked up. Veronica's face twisted in confusion, and Jd needed to leave. ASAP. He didn't want to leave her like this, confused and injured, but if he fucked up again, she'd know. How would she react to knowing Kurt was murdered? Jd thought about it constantly, but couldn't put his finger on it. The bottom line, she could never know. "Listen, I've got to run, but make sure you eat today and call me if you need me!" he called as he ran to his bike. Nice going, Jd.

*

The contents of the bag weren't much. Two pregnancy tests, bruise ointment, the kind of concealer you use to cover tattoos, and a sealed envelope. Veronica sighed as she picked up a test. She didn't want it to be true. But still, her mind urged her to know, the sheer suspense overwhelming her. So she went to the bathroom.

The test was turned over on a table. The results would be in by now. Veronica picked up her phone and dialed Heather.

_Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring._

No answer. Fuck, she couldn't do this alone. She dialed her again.

_Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring._

Damn it, Heather, your phone is always on at school. Veronica called one last time and got the same response. She didn't leave a voicemail. Instead, she rung Jd.

_Ring, ring, ring. Ring,- "Hello, Veronica? Are you ok?"_

Veronica smiled to herself, relieved he picked up. "Yeah, um, I couldn't reach Heather, and I didn't know who to call- I took the test," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. She couldn't do it alone, no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't flip it over.

_"Are you- are you pregnant?"_ Jd asked with a gulp. She could hear the fear in his voice and almost laughed. He had nothing to fear. She was the one who would have her entire life ruined because Kurt was a bastard. What would happen to Jd?

"I don't know, I can't- I don't know if I can see it alone-"

_"I'm on my way."_

*

"I think It'll be positive. The universe kind of hates me right now," Veronica said. She and Jd were sitting on a bench in front of the table, staring at the test as if it would bite them. Jd turned to her, and frowned, knowing she was right. The universe had not been kind to Veronica Sawyer.

"I'm going to flip it on the count of three," Jd said, holding the test. Fuck, he was nervous too. Veronica took his other hand in hers and closed her eyes. Time to see what her future holds. "One, two, three. Oh my-"

Veronica's eyes shot open and she grabbed the test. "Jd..."

"Veronica, you aren't pregnant! Veronica- Veronica?" Jd watched concerningly as tears fell onto the test. "What happened?"  
  
  


Veronica looked up at him, tears running down her bruised cheeks, her eyes full of relief. "Oh god, it's over," was all she said. "I'm free."

Jd resisted the urge to grab her and hold her as she cried. He wanted to comfort her, but he remembered the last time he touched her and the times before. How she flinched away, ran away, cried. How she panicked, fled, and convinced herself that he was Kurt. Jd didn't want her to go through that again. So, he sat awkwardly as she cried, not sure how to help. Pat her back? Or was that too much? Jd awkwardly just stared at her crying, when she hugged him first. 

Jd sat in shock for a moment before wrapping his arms around her, her head on his chest as she sobbed. He didn't say much, only occasionally whispering things like 'it's ok' or 'it's over'. They stayed in said position for ten minutes, Veronica's tears eventually subsiding, and she pulled away.

"I'm sorry- I, um, I was just so worried-"

"You don't have to apologize," Jd cut in, taking her cheek into his hand. He should be apologizing. Not him, actually, the world. The world should pay Veronica in millions for what she had to go through because of them.

Veronica weakly smiled. "You should get back to school, it's still only 10:20. Thank you for... thank you," she said, and Jd nodded. He wanted to stay here with her forever, not let her go, not let anyone else hurt her. But he already skipped 2nd period, and he needed to go get lunch.

"If you need me again call me, I don't care when. I know how much everything hurts right now... but you have nothing more to worry about. He's gone. Forever."

*

_Where the fuck is Jd?_ Heather wondered from her table. Heather Chandler was texting a Remmington boy about something, and Heather McNamara was crying. Crying was kind of a normal thing for her and Heather didn't bother to ask why. 

"He was just so young, and he had just won the game, and he would've been prom king..." Heather blabbed on and on about how sad the death of Kurt was, while Heather held back an eye roll. He was always a trash human being, why did people start to care when he 'committed suicide'? Everyone hated him before, they should keep that attitude towards his dead body.

Heather went on for some more time, as Heather stared at her lunch tray. Broccoli and that disgusting milk they serve in cartons. That'll all end up in the toilet later, no doubt about it. "Heather, where's Veronica? Was she too sad to come, because Kurt was her date?" Heather asked, her eyes wide and waterproof mascara untouched.

Heather was about to respond, probably saying Veronica was sick when Flemming burst into the lunchroom. "Listen up, students of Westerberg, I know your pain. We all are hurting right now, and we need to come together as a group to _feel_ and _heal_ ourselves. We're going to hear from a few students regarding the tragic death of Kurt Kelly, then we will al join hands in a circle to represent the chain of love we hold here at Westerberg high!" she called, a news team following her into the lunchroom. How great, let's make a public spectacle of the fake suicide. How fun.

After the news crew walked in, Jd followed. Heather's eyes shot to him, and she tried to catch his attention. Where had he been in science this morning? He sulked over to his usual table, the edge of the loner table. He sat down heavily as Flemming continued.

"First, we'll hear from Kurt's best friend, Ram Sweeney!" she called as if she was announcing him for a talent show. He shuffled into his place and took the mic.

"Um, thanks. Yeah, it's a real bummer what happened to my buddy Kurt. He uh, he just won the biggest football game of the year, in which we _CRUSHED_ McKinley high! He was a great dude, decent grades, fun to be around. We'll all miss him a lot, I'll miss him, his dad'll miss him, his sister, Sarah will miss him, his girlfriend Veronica will miss him-"

A loud crash interrupted Ram's completely incorrect speech. The student body all turned their heads to the source of the noise; Jd. He flipped a chair. Heather silently cursed as she anticipated whatever Jd's rage would fuck up next. He needed to just let Ram continue, let him live in peace thinking Veronica and Kurt were dating. But of course, this was Jd, and he wasn't about to let anyone make up such a lie.

"Not his girlfriend," was all he said, his arms crossed over his body, a furious look on his face. "They weren't dating."

Ram gave him a look, then continued. "Point is, we'll all miss Kurt. The world was just a dick to him, and he went out in a powerful as fuck way. What's that saying, you either kill yourself or get killed? Well, Kurt wasn't about to let anyone kill him, that's my boy!" he yelled, and was met with cheers. Heather felt sick.

A news team, recording a boy's best friend, cheering him on after he killed himself. Well, he didn't really, but only she and Jd knew that. To them, they saw Kurt as a boy who died in power, and Heather found it disgusting. They were praising it! They were calling it an act of bravery, telling the kids in the cafeteria that it was cool! That killing yourself made you strong! It was disgusting, and she couldn't take it anymore. Amongst the cheers, Heather ran out of the room.

*

Kneeling over a toilet, it felt like any other night or any other bathroom trip, but Heather hadn't shoved fingers down her throat for the bile to shoot out of her, for tears to stream down her face. Fuck this school, that glorified suicide. Fuck this school, that wouldn't care what Kurt had done to Veronica, even if they knew. Fuck the world for glorifying Heather's fingers in her mouth when she felt fat. And fuck the world for not giving a shit what happened to broken teenagers.

She flushed the toilet, almost choking on her own vomit. She kneeled on the piss scented floor and cried. She wasn't sure why the tears kept coming, but she wasn't about to stop them. The bathroom was empty, and she had been picked dry of her patience. Damn it, Flemming was a disgusting excuse for a teacher.

Heather stood up, smoothing up her rumpled skirt. She sighed, exiting the stall to look in the mirror.

A girl stared back. Plaid skirt, a white button-down, a green blazer. The girl's favorite color was always red, but she could never wear it. SO she wore green, a sick reference to her eating disorder. The girl's eyes were empty, not a speck of life present. Red lipstick smeared down her cheek, with a gross bit of her lunch mixed in. SHe didn't wear waterproof mascara or eyeliner, so she quite looked like a raccoon. Hair disheveled, lips parted, breathing in and out. In and out. In and out.

This was Heather, and she knew it. She saw herself in the tired, droopy, emotionless eyes. Maybe not in the rest of it. Maybe not the red lipstick, and smeared eye makeup, and green blazer. Heather stared for a moment more, before removing the blazer from her.

She grabbed it and chucked it at the mirror as hard as she could, begging the world to show her a prettier image when it appeared again. It was the same. The same broken girl.

"FUCK YOU!" Heather screamed at the mirror as it taunted her. Her body moved on its own, her fist colliding with the mirror instantly.

Oh fuck.

Her ring made contact with mirror, and a lengthy crack started to spread throughout. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Heather grabbed the green jacket and made a run for it. She was never there. It was never her. There was no way she was getting caught for this shit. So Heather ran out into the empty hallway, as the rest of the school was still at lunch. She was either going home or to Veronica's, she wasn't sure which.

As she exited the building, she pulled out her lighter to light a cigarette, when she noticed a student pouring a beer into the trashcan outside. When he walked away, Heather approached it. She threw in the disgusting green jacket, and the lighter. Her eyes lit up at the burn.

The flames were red.


	8. Of Tears and Wasted Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica wants to be herself again.
> 
> In which Jd questions his morality.
> 
> In which Heather loses herself.

The year was 1981. First day of fourth grade at Eddison Middle. Heather Duke wore a knitted white top and high wasted red and white striped shorts. Heather's best friend and neighbor had moved away, leaving her with practically no one. Sure, she was pretty and had long hair (a big deal in fourth grade), but she couldn't seem to find anyone she fit in with. She liked reading, but the nerdier kids were too immature for her. She wasn't great at art, she didn't play a sport, and she wasn't super lame. That ruled out most of the friend groups at her school. Heather wasn't meant to be alone, she knew there had to be some kids who would be her friends.

But until then, she would just focus on the name her teacher was writing on the board. Long strokes on the blackboard, her homeroom teacher stood in front of the class. Heather leaned back in her chair, waiting for this stupid excused of a class to be over. The board read ' _Ms. Bowell'._

Heather took one look and burst out laughing. Ms. Bowell? Boy, that teacher did _not_ get lucky in the last name department. Heather was met with a chilling glare from the unlucky woman, as she raised her eyebrow. Ms. Bowell started towards Heather, rage shown in a menacing grin. Oh shit, Heather was going to get in trouble on the first day of school. Way to make an impression.

"Sorry, Ms. _Bowell,_ I just told Heather here a joke. Hope I didn't _upset your stomach."_

The class erupted with laughter. Heather Duke was taken aback, and she turned around in her chair to the source of the comment. Ah yes, Heather Chandler. She was that one kid in kindergarten who would bite the other kids. She was always getting in trouble with the teachers, yet the other kids never stood up to her. In first grade, she told Ram Sweeney she would marry him if he dumped Heather Duke's old friend Marth, and it worked. It wasn't right when everyone made fun of Martha, but Heather laughed along anyway.

So here the girl was, her legs crossed under the desk, her head tilted. A sweet smile graced her face, her blonde curly hair being twisted around a finger. She wore it half up half down with a red bow- a very stylish thing in the fourth grade. She wore a plaid skirt and white shirt with a red blazer (at the time, it seemed odd that such a young kid would wear something like, but Heather later explained that her dad had taught her to 'dress to impress'). Heather Chandler was popular and funny and pretty, why would she help out Heather Duke if she didn't need to?

That didn't matter. What mattered was Heather D was now out of trouble, but Heather C was deep in. No way she was getting out of this alive. As Ms. _Bowell_ opened her mouth to probably dish out some detention, a new voice arose. "Oh, Ms. Bowell, Heather meant the last part towards me, she gave me some, uh, some candy! And it was really sour so she hoped that it didn't hurt my stomach?" 

It was the only other Heather in the grade. Or, the only other Heather in the school. Heather McNamara. Tall, pretty, and really fucking rich. She did gymnastics and ballet, and her dad owned every bank in Sherwood and held a place on the school board, and she never got in trouble with the teachers because of it. Her hair was in two low pigtails, held together by pale yellow scrunchies that matched her dress. She gave a nervous smile to the teacher, batted her eyelashes, and waiting. The whole class held their breath.

"Fine. Remember students, I demand nothing but respect in this classroom!" she bellowed, walking back to the front of the room.

The three Heathers were all shocked. How did they get away with that? One thing was for certain- they couldn't have stayed out of trouble without the other two. Heather Duke watched as Heather Chandler quickly scribbled a note for her and handed it in, immediately moving to make an identical one for Heather McNamara.

_i have an idea, meet me at the swing set during recess_

And so, the Heathers were born.

*

Heather Duke's phone ringed with a notification from Heather Chandler.

* * *

_Heather C: where the fuck has v been?_

_Heather C: did she fall off the face of the earth or kill herself?_

_Heather D: Neither Heather, chill. She's just sick._

_Heather C: sick my ass_

_Heather C: she needs to be at school by thurs_

_Heather D: Or?_

_Heather C: or she's done_

* * *

Heather sighed. Couldn't she just text Veronica herself? Why did Heather have to be the mailman? Veronica hadn't been to school all week, and now Heather was giving her a two-day notice to get back. Heather really, _really_ just wanted to finish this book. Was she an awful person for wanting this all to just blow over? Jd had called her after school today and told her that Veronica wasn't pregnant. The photos were gone, there was no baby, and Kurt was dead. Now the bruises and cuts had to heal, but after that, it was finished! The only thing holding Veronica back from being normal was her mind.

Ok, yeah, she sucked for thinking that. Heather put down her copy of The Alchemist and texted Veronica.

* * *

_Heather D: Hey Ronnie, can I come over?_

_Heather D: It's about Heather_

_Veronica: Which?_

_Heather D: Chandler  
  
_

_Veronica: Sure, what happened?_

_Heather D: I'll tell you when I'm there, see you soon._

* * *

Heather threw her straight, light brown hair into a ponytail before grabbing her eyes. She walked to her door but hesitated upon finding herself in front of a mirror. She wore a black skirt and a white button-down. No green blazer. She almost went to her closet and grabbed another one or at least a green sweater, but she ignored the urges. She hopped in her car, and the wheel took her to Veronica's house.

Heather pulled up into Veronica's drive-way, almost crashing into a motorcycle. "Shit!" she yelled, inches away from ruining her Mercedes. Heather had never seen a motorcycle in Veronica's driveway, and why was it parked so obnoxiously. The girl sighed, exiting her car. Wait a minute-

That wasn't a random motorcycle. She had ridden on that before. Why was Jd at Veronica's house?

Heather crossed her arms over her chest as he rang the doorbell. Before Veronica could even greet her, she demanded an answer. "Is Jd here? Why?" she asked, looking at Veronica as if she had lost her mind. The shorter girl rubbed the back of her neck and smiled at Heather. She nodded.

"Yeah, he dropped off my homework and I'm helping him with some math. Um, come in. Jd, Heathers here!" she called up the stairs. Moments later, a confused and rather annoyed looking Jd immerged at the top of the steps. 

"What do you want, Heather? We're busy," he said, giving her a look. Oh, of course. Jd wanted time with his crush, and Heather was ruining it. But, she didn't care, as she needed to talk to Veronica. And she supposed he could hear too.

"It's important. Heather Chandler texted me..." Heather started, walking up Veronica's stairs. The other girl looked slightly taken. aback by the way Heather just started to walk to her room, but simply closed the front door and followed her, as did Jd. Heather threw herself onto Veronica's bed. "She says you have to be in school by Thursday."

Veronica scoffed. "Well, I don't care what she says," she replied, sitting down at her desk chair. Jd had a very fake, very annoyed closed mouth smile on his face. "I'm not going back until I don't look like I was mauled by a bear."

Heather shook her head. "You know she'll crucify you, right? Plus, you need to go back, need to keep learning for college and shit. I'm going insane at the table without you! I'll help you cover up the bruises," she replied, crossing her legs underneath her. That last part was selfish, but, as usual, Heather didn't care.

Jd stood up from her carpet. "She doesn't have to go back if she doesn't want to. Thanks for the message Heather, bye now!" Jd said, nudging Heather off Veronica's bed. _That loser doesn't realize he has no chance,_ thought Heather as she rolled her eyes.

Veronica interrupted. "Do you think I _want_ to be cooped up in here all day? If I don't leave my house, _that_ will never happen to me again," she said. Heather saw Jd's face soften. They were so caught up in their fighting, they forgot that Veronica's traumatic events happened just days ago. "I'll stay home for the rest of the week. Maybe I'll be back next Monday, I don't know. Thanks for telling me, Heather, but I'll text Heather and work something out. But I don't want to go back to... until I can ok? Jd, I'll help you with #5."

Jd took her hand and smiled. "Thanks. You don't have to go back until you're ready. Bye, Heather!" he said with a wave. He didn't mean it. He wanted to be only with Veronica. He didn't mean to leave her in the dust.

Yet Heather felt a sense of similarity wash over her as she nodded. Being pushed away from your two friends, being left alone. Jd told Veronica exactly what she wanted to hear; that she didn't have to push herself to recover, and Veronica ate it up. Heather told her the truth, what she _needed_ to hear, and Veronica pushed it away. Heather gave her what she needed, and Jd was fine with only giving her what she wanted. He was blinded by his love for her. She would never get better with him there to monitor her every move.

"Ok, bye you two. Don't come crying to me when Heather kicks you out, I wanted you out from the beginning anyway! Oh, and by the way, Jd's great at math! He doesn't _need_ your help!" Heather snapped, slamming the door behind her. She thought she heard some form of Veronica calling her back or Jd swearing, but she was out the door fast. She let her car take her away, back into her house. Damn it, she did it again.

She let her real friends go.

*

"She's a little bit right, you know," Veronica commented during an ad. Turns out Jd was a _very_ suspiciously fast learner, so they started watching an episode of Riverdale, just to laugh at it. 

"She isn't, she was being rude. She shouldn't push you," Jd responded, his eyes still glued to a stupid car commercial with a really, _really_ cute puppy.

Veronica crossed her legs on her couch. "But shouldn't I try? It's not as bad as some other girls, I don't remember shit..."

Jd turned the tv off. Veronica muttered a protest, as the show had just come back on, but he didn't care. He took her hand, his face as serious as she'd ever seen it. "You can't compare what happened to you to what happened to other people. Whatever you- how you feel isn't like, your choice? I don't know how to say it but like as long as you're still here, you're doing fine," he said, not really knowing how to explain to Veronica that her feelings were valid. Jd sucked at emotional stuff, he didn't know how to help her.

Veronica sighed, tears welling in her eyes. "I just want to be normal again," she whispered, her voice breaking. With it, Jd's heart followed. Fuck, what should he do? He wanted to call Heather but knew that would probably be the worst thing he could do right now.

"I know," was all he said, as the two sat there in silence. How do you fix something when you don't have the glue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH ok, so I worked for like an hour to figure out this characterization, where Jd is like the pretty half-truth and Heathers the ugly reality? And the whole 'Heather is what she needs but Jd is what she wants' thing too. I still don't know who Veronica is going to end up with, but I've been dropping hints about something big that's coming, so stay tuned!


	9. Of Ugly Cries and Deep Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica wants to return.
> 
> In which Jd needs to stay strong.
> 
> In which Heather falls back into place.

Jason Dean had never been normal. Even when he was a little kid, his mom used to tell him that he was different. He liked to read 'grown-up' books, he was never interested in sports, and the moment a parent wasn't watching him, he'd make a run for it. To where, he never knew, he just wanted to get away. Somewhere else, somewhere where no one knew him or his family. No judgment.

That was one of the nicer things about moving so often. A fresh start every 2 months was something out of heaven for Jd, and he ate it up. Made a big impression, like cursing out a teacher, getting into a fight, and just being an over-all asshole, then he would be gone. It repeated for years; eight years, specifically. Until one day, when his dad announced they would be moving back to Sherwood for senior year.

Jd was born in that town and lived there until the last day of 3rd grade. He didn't have many friends, just two twin boys who played card games at lunch, and his neighbor, Heather. He didn't bother talking to anyone else, as he saw nothing special in them. There was one of the other Heather's, who was taller than him and too hyper to have a functioning conversation with. There was Martha, the fat girl who dated Ram Sweeney in kindergarten, and her freak friend Veronica.

Of course, everyone was mean to those two, and their friend Betty. Martha was an obvious target, as she still acted like a preschooler, yet weighed the same as a 6th grader. Veronica skipped first grade, so she was constantly taunted for being a 'baby', or a teacher's pet. Betty Finn probably wouldn't have been picked on if she had simply chosen different friends, but she had stayed loyal to the other two for years. When Jd returned to Sherwood, he expected the social structure to be the same.

Boy, was he wrong. 

He arrived that day, only to see everything totally fallen apart. His best friend parading around the school in matching, color-coordinated outfits with some of the meanest girls in school. The students parted like the red sea for them, no one daring to look them in the eye. There was the meanest Heather in red, the most athletic Heather in yellow, who he thought was the most real Heather in green, and a different, _really_ pretty girl, who he assumed must be named Heather, in blue.

Betty and Martha sat with only each other. Veronica was gone. The nerds sat with the nerds, the boys who had dominated the kickball field sat with each other, wearing letterman jackets. The Heathers sat with each other, the wannabe Heathers watching from close by. On that first day, he made eye contact with Heather Duke and raised an eyebrow. What had she turned into?

She told tye Heathers she was going to use the bathroom, and she and him ditched. He needed an explanation for everything, and she gave it to him. and she gave it. How she was recruited in fourth grade to be a Heather, and they ran the school. How Kurt and Ram and the rest of the football team harassed anyone who wasn't them. How the blue Heather really wasn't a Heather at all, but really nerdy Veronica Sawyer.

Jd didn't like the old Sherwood, but he hated this version even more. Everyone was meaner, crueler, less interesting.

Heather was more or less the same, except she now had higher expectations for herself. Jd could see it, in the way she carried herself, the way she walked, the way she twirled her hair. Everyone was like that, too. They saw themselves as above the average person, yet below everyone else. The mind of a high schooler was a strange place, and Jd couldn't seem to navigate it.

But here he was, with a girl who defied the stereotypes. Stood up to a Heather, yet wasn't cruel about it. Made mistakes, but acknowledged her wrongs. Who went through hell and refused to let it define her. Veronica confused Jd even more than all the other kids. She looked at the world as if it were a blank canvas; whereas Jd looked at the world as if it were a loaded gun. She was human and screwed up like everyone else, but she never let that define her.

She lived in a way Jd never could, she lived with hope. Being around her, with her optimism yet realism, it was intoxicating. Just the way she sat on her couch, leaning forward to hear every stupid word of KUWTK, tipping her head back with laughter. He found himself watching her more than the screen, but she never seemed to notice. The words of Kim K went right threw his ears, but her laugh lingered in his mind for as long as possible.

"Hey, it's getting late, and I have to be home before my dad to make sure he doesn't break anything when he stumbles in drunk. I'll bring your homework again tomorrow, remember to call me whenever you need anything," he said, standing up. His dad catching him coming home late would _not_ be fun.

Veronica looked at him strangely. "You shouldn't have to take care of your dad like that. You're the kid, that isn't right," she said with a frown, crossing her legs underneath her and facing him.

Jd sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "I know, but that's just the way it's always been, you know? Like, of course, I'd rather stay here and make fun of shitty reality television with you, but he gets kinda pissed when I'm not there. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll call you later, make sure you eat something!" he said as he walked out the door. She had more important things to worry about than his messed up family dynamic.

"Ok..." she replied softly, doubt in her voice. She didn't believe him, and he knew it. But even if he was dying, he wouldn't let her know. She was still going through shit, and his problems were pebbles compared to her boulder. So if he had to tell a few white lies, convince her he was fine, he would do it. He would do it a million times over again.

*

Veronica laid on her bed, legs hanging over the side. She'd felt safer at home, no doubt about that, but boredom was eating her alive. Besides daily visits from Jd and calls with Betty and Martha, who were convinced she had a horrible case of the flu, she felt alone. A part of her begged her to open up her parent's liquor cabinet and forget about everything for a night. That same part wanted her to reclaim what Kurt took from her, and just go out and have fun.

The more sensible part of her brain told her to stay in. Read, re-do homework, call Martha. Shower again. Brush her teeth for the 10th time that day. Her life was the same day after day, and it was only filled with pain and boredom. She needed something to distract herself. And Veronica knew just who to call.

Veronica had Heather Chandler's number dialed but paused before she hit call. She was still _marked._ God, those bruises and cuts had barely faded, there was no way she could go out looking like this. So instead of dialing Heather Chandler, she called Heather Duke.

It rang three times before the other girl picked up. " _Veronica? What's up, are you ok?"_ she asked, concern tinting her voice.

"I'm totally fine, don't worry. I'm bored, wanna go out?" she asked, walking to her room, phone in hand.

Heather hesitated. _"I'm down, but aren't... don't you-"_

Veronica cut her off. "Yeah, I'm still bruised and shit, you can help me use that tattoo cover-up stuff. C'mon, let's live again!" she said, hoping Heather would agree.

_"I'll be at your house in ten."_

*

"Ok, so we just use this brush- and we don't blend like it's normal concealer, we add extra around the sides and blend there. See, bruise gone!" Heather exclaimed, holding up a mirror in front of Veronica's face. The shorter girl examined the mark on her face, or lack thereof.

"Oh my gosh, it's like there was never a bruise!" Veronica excitedly replied, hopping up from the chair. "This stuff really works!"

Heather smiled, slightly smugly. "Yep. C'mon, let's do the rest of your face, then we'll head over to Heather's house. We can have a sleepover, just like before," she said, picking up the brush. "Oh, wait, Heather thinks you're sick... so she'd expect you at school if we were to have a sleepover," Heather explained, covering some of the bruises on Veronica's neck.

Veronica thought for a minute. She hated being cooped up, but she was much safer in her house. Even with Kurt dead, there were still other jocks. Kurt wasn't a bad apple in the bunch, they were all rotten. Maybe he and Ram were the only ones who would go as far as drugging girls, but the others saw no drawbacks to touching a girl inappropriately without her consent, and it happened a bunch at school. Could she go back to a world like that?

But she couldn't just hide away from the world. Of course, there would be people willing to hurt her, of course, the world would never be safe, but that doesn't mean she should hide from it. "I'll go back to school tomorrow. Being with Heather is already basically a shield, plus I'm really fucking paranoid, so I'll be cautious. Honestly, I've missed English lectures..." she trailed off.

Heather laughed. "Of course you have. I'm proud of you, though. I'll also be there, and Jd will probably be stalking you from the sidelines, so don't worry," she stated, finishing up Veronica's neck, and moving to her arms.

"Stalking me?" Veronica questioned as she opened a mascara bottle.

"I mean- I don't mean like _stalking,_ he'll probably just like... I don't know, he's just protective of his friends, you know? Not in a weird way," she explained, attempting to cover up her accidental admission of Jd's crush. It was honestly mind-boggling that Veronica still had no idea, by the way he looks at her. She never has any idea. Damn it, if she even just looked up at Heather, she would know so much more about her feelings than she does now. But Veronica had to be oblivious. 

Veronica turned around, applying the mascara. As she wasn't looking, Heather snuck a sealed envelope under her bed.

Veronica nodded. "I'll wear sweatpants so we don't have to cover my legs. Is it at Heather's house or Heather's?"

"Heather M's, she has the better basement. Wear a crop top with it, otherwise Heather will say it looks sloppy. We'll leave it twenty, I'm almost done here," she said, finishing up the bruises on Veronica's left wrist. The other girl nodded and started applying blush.

"Thanks, Heather. Let's get out of here."

*

Jd sighed, and threw his book violently at his wall. His English teacher had assigned the world's most boring homework, probably solely because she hasted children. He picked up his phone and texted Veronica

* * *

_Jd: Do you understand the English homework? I'm so confused_

_Veronica: There are answers to the worksheet on Quizlet, I can email you the link_

_Jd: Shit thanks_

_Jd: Got the link, thanks_

_Veronica: No problem_

_Veronica: Hey, you're close with Heather right_

_Jd: Yeah, why_

_Veronica: Should I be concerned that she made me wear green?_

_Jd: You're wearing green? As in her color_

_Veronica: Yeah, she wanted blue_

_Jd: Tell her to call me._


	10. Of Sleepovers and Pushovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica feels hope.
> 
> In which Jd knows not his worth.
> 
> In which Heather may not be able to hold it in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really, really did not want to be written. This took painfully long, sorry!

It was odd. Right before Veronica and Heather left for Heather's house, Veronica told Heather to call Jd. The taller girl had stepped out of the car and was visibly having an argument over the phone. When she stepped back in, she declared that they needed to switch shirts. Veronica didn't ask.

The drive was awkward. Strange pop blasted through the speakers, and the girls said not one word to each other. Veronica stared out the window, as she watched aspects of her town speed by her. Nothing interesting, as you'd expect from a small town in Ohio. God, the things she would do to get out of here.

They arrived at Heather McNamara's mansion, and veronica was in awe. It wasn't the first time she had been to her house, but she was still shocked every time. Marble pillars, fancy gates, and a giant fountain were just some of the luxury assets of the house. Compared to Veronica's humble brick 2 story home, this was basically the white house. They arrived at the basement, which resembled a ballroom if it came with a bar and movie room. 

"Hey bitches! We're here!" Heather Duke yelled, throwing her emerald green overnight bag onto the ground. Veronica followed with her ultra-marine ones, and they headed over to where the other two girls were sitting.

"Finally! Did you bring what I said, V?" Heather Chandler asked, rapping a perfectly manicured red nail against the hardwood floor. 

"Yep," she replied, running back to her bag. Two family-sized bags of corn nuts, one BBQ, and one plain. Heather Duke had brought them to her house when she helped with the makeup.

The four girls sat on the floor, dressed to perfection. Heather Duke wore, you guessed it, an emerald green t-shirt, and black athletic short shorts, hair in a high pony. Heather Chandler was dressed much more elegantly, in a red silk floral patterned romper. Her permed hair was in a 'messy' bun, that Veronica knew took upwards of 30 minutes to get right. Heather McNamara had on yellow and black checker sweat shorts, with a plain white tee that was knotted in the front. Her wavy blonde hair was free down her back. Veronica wore grey sweatpants to cover her bruises and a light blue crop top. 

They matched perfectly, yet not at all.

"I ordered two pizzas and soda. We should vote on a movie!" Heather McNamara exclaimed, jumping up from her seated position. The girls grabbed their belongings and made their way into the separate home theater in McNamara's basement. It was a dark room, with around 12 red velvet seats and a ginormous tv screen, much like the ones at a real theater. "Woah," Veronica muttered under her breath, her eyes enlarging at the sight.

She took a seat in between Heather Chandler and Heather Duke, as the other Heather browsed through Netflix. "Do we want a show or a movie?" she questioned, flipping her fluffy hair over a shoulder.

"Movie," the tallest Heather answered for everyone. It was so like her to take control of everything, the others barely noticed.

Heather logged in, then asked another question. "Are we feeling horror, comedy, chick flick?" she inquired, a puzzled look on her face as she attempted to navigate the site.

"Not horror."

Veronica turned to the side, and saw Heather Duke with a concerned look on her face, staring at Veronica. Does she think that horror is too much for her to handle? Ridiculous. Veronica wanted this night to be _normal,_ and being treated like an unstable psyco was not on her list of activities. "I think we should do horror," she declared, crossing her arms. Heather was being ridiculous and she would not stand for it. "Us? Like the freaky clone movie?" she suggested.

Heather Chandler nodded. "I'm for that, I haven't seen it," she said, reclining the chair.

Heather McNamara nodded, and the three girls looked at Duke, waiting for approval (even though they would most likely watch anyway). "...Fine. We'll turn it off if it gets to be too much for some people."

Heather Chandler rolled her eyes. "Grow up Heather, if you can't handle a scary movie, you can go!" she announced, as McNamara found the movie. Veronica watched Heather visibly shrink back into her seat and felt a pang of guilt.

Heather had been one of the people who helped her most during everything, yet Veronica was letting her get basically abused by Heather. To be honest, Heather abused everyone, but Heather Duke did seem to get the worst of it. Was it wrong for her to watch as she was used as a punching bag when she was really just trying to protect Veronica? Probably. Was she terrified of standing up to the demon queen? Also probably. But that didn't mean she wouldn't.

"Lay off of her, Heather, let's just watch the movie," Veronica said, looking down at her hands. Out of everyone in Westerberg, Veronica was probably the person who talked back to Heather the most, though she still didn't do it very often. She felt that Heather had a sense of respect for her that she didn't with other students, just because Veronica was less intimidated by her. Keyword: less.

Heather rolled her eyes. "Let's get on with it, then!"

*

Jd practically skipped into his house. He spent hours with veronica, and even when they were speaking, he felt like they were connecting. She took his mind off of that dick Ram, that dick heather Chandler, and that dick Flemming. He was only calm around her- like she was a scented candle or some shit. He wanted to run to his room and not surface until the next day, quite tired after all the events. However, he was stopped on his way by _yet another_ dick. "Hey pops, how was work?" his father asked, sipping beer from a can, and not bothering to look away from the tv.

"It was great. I destroyed some shit, like always," Jd sarcastically muttered, stopping to watch the tape. An old homeless shelter, blown up by explosives. That one was probably the worst, besides the library. What human blows up a homeless shelter to make room for a strip mall without batting an eye? His emotionless father, that's who. It crumbled to the ground quickly, and his dad let out a laugh.

Re-watching these old tapes was what he did with his spare time, most likely next to kicking puppies and spitting on orphans. Oh, and getting blackout drunk of course. "Don't be an asshole. How was, uh, school?" he asked, remember his duties as a parent. Jd just rolled his eyes at the sad excuse of a man. 

"It was great. Some kid committed suicide, we had an assembly, I left. Normal shit," he muttered, about to leave.

"Oh, Paul Kelly's kid? Yeah, a real shame, I was doing business with the dad. I've got some good news, though," he said, turning around to face Jd. His smile made the boy sick. "I made a deal today for an entire neighborhood, so I'll be here for a few years. You'll get to finish your senior year in the great hell hole that is Sherwood Ohio!" he said, lifting his can as if it were a toast.

Jd nodded, and sprinted up the stairs.

He'll stay. He was dreading the conversation for months, the one he and his dad have at least twice a year. Where he tells Jd that they're leaving, and that's that. It usually didn't bother him, it was quite refreshing to move away from one friendless hell to another. This time though, he had gotten much too attached to his life here, and he was deathly scared at letting it go. He needed Heather to keep him on the right path in life, and he needed Veronica to stop him from doing stupid things. Well, maybe that wasn't working out, considering he murdered someone for her, and then just forgot about it...

Shit, he really did forget. So did Heather, it seemed. The whole thing was so quick in easy, he almost forgot about all of it. And well it was nice to pretend he was normal, that didn't change the fact that he wasn't. If you murder someone who was doing more harm to the world than good, is it's morally wrong? Won't you technically be making the world a better place, at the silly cost of a single life? Wars kill millions and barely make an impact on the overall quality of life, yet Jd taking one shitty life would help all the kids at Westerberg. He had seen too many kids fade away from bullying, sometimes himself as well. If he was helping people, was it actually bad? Why is war excused as necessary, but Jd's actions considered cruel? Plus, he was helping Veronica. Kurt deserved to die. He deserved a worse death, like some ancient Chinese form of torture. Jd had let him off easy considering what the asshole did.

What if Veronica found out though? This was _definitely_ something to stop talking to someone for, and it was quite a surprise Heather hadn't batted an eye. He was lucky she was just as crazy as him. Veronica obviously wasn't like the other people at school; she never bowed down, she questioned the rules, she went against the odds. But that didn't mean she was like Heather and Jd. Veronica went through her trauma recently, whereas Heather and Jd had childhood trauma. Childhood trauma fucks you up for the rest of your life because children don't know how to cope. They don't know how to reach out for help, so they internalize everything. That's why Jd and Heather were screwed up mentally, and they couldn't exactly stop it.

Veronica was different from them. She had two loving parents, a good home, a good childhood. Her life went downhill in her senior year when she had friends and people to help her through it all. As messed up as she was now, she would get through it. Have a good life, maybe go to some therapy in college. She was still sane after it all. So most likely, she wouldn't have the vendetta against the world that Jd and Heather did. The same vendetta that caused them to bask in the glory of power, the power of taking a life. The power of knowing he _could_ take a life and could get away with it, it was like drugs to Jd. And he was sure Heather felt similar, as she knew such a huge and dangerous secret, yet she never told. She had knowledge that could break the town, and she kept it inside.

It was that madness and obsession of power that allowed them to feel minimal guilt or remorse. It was what allowed Jd to forget. Veronica wasn't screwed up enough to rely on such power, therefore she wouldn't be ok with killing, or knowing about a killing. So Jd really had to hide it from her. Veronica was someone he could not lose.

He still didn't know what drew him towards her. She was gorgeous, he knew that from the start. But plenty of girls at his schools were good looking, and he didn't give them a second glance. The way she talked, the way she moved, it was all intoxicating. She was strong and brave and beautiful and smart- she was everything he wanted to be, and everything he wanted. When he was with her, it was like he melted. Like he was a frozen lake and she melted him away- leaving him vulnerable in the best way possible.

Jd flopped onto his bed, exhausted. "I really don't deserve her," he declared aloud, staring at his ceiling.

Veronica didn't need broken pieces throwing themself onto her. He had no idea if she was even remotely interested in him- and even if she was, she'd probably want to stay away from dating for a while. Jd wasn't a simp, he wouldn't wait around forever. After all, he was a teenage boy, and he had needs. But if Veronica so much as gave him a hint that she'd might like him- he'd drop everything to be hers. That was a problem.

He sighed and headed downstairs. He needed a slushy to get his mind off of her.

Slushies always work.

*

Heather Duke watched as Heather McNamara and Veronica practically snored on the yellow Heather's floor. Duke and Chandler weren't speaking as they scrolled on their phones, both having a fucked up sleep schedule. Duke was bored but knew she couldn't fall asleep. That's when Heather started.

"You ate a slice of pizza today, I'm surprised you aren't kneeling over Heather's toilet," she said as if they were discussing the weather. Heather clicked her phone off and faced the other girl.

"Why do you have to be so... rude?" she whisper-screamed, attempting to let the other two girls sleep. She was surprised at her own pluck towards Heather- maybe it was Veronica's jab at her earlier. That had been unexpected, and so had Heather's reaction. She didn't even yell!

But this time she looked close to. "What makes you think you can be such a bitch to me? You fuck with the eagles, you gotta fly. You _know_ this, Heather," she stated, glaring.

Maybe it was the wine McNamara had brought downstairs. Maybe it was the years of torment, of always being _second_ place. Whatever happened to the two happy girls sticking up for each other in class? Now they were all grown up, and their friendship was gone. It was gone a long time ago. "You know what Heather? You aren't as almighty as you might think! You may have everyone at school fooled, but I know you, and I know that you're actually just insecure. Make fun of my eating disorder? Sis, it's cause _you_ are insecure about the way you look! Don't project, Heather! You can be sad that the only thing you're wanted for is sex, but you don't have to take it out on the rest of us."

Silence. "Choose your next words _very_ carefully."

"Oh, I have. Your reign of terror is what makes me puke, it's what makes Heather cry herself to sleep, it's what makes assholes like Kurt think they have a right to Ver- um, to girl's bodies! Ever since I met you, my life has been complete shit!" Heather was yelling now, not caring who she woke up. Heather's facial expression was a mixture of shock and pure unadulterated rage. "I am so so _so_ done with you! And- and I'm done with everything!" she screamed, tears running down her face.

Heather didn't process she was moving until her face hit the cold air of the outside. She put a hand to her mouth and kneeled on the front lawn as sobs escaped from her body. Where did it all go wrong?

  
  
She felt two more presences enter the outside behind her. "Oh my weed, you are so fucking done. Come Monday, you're dead! Obviously you're a Heather, and your name prohibits you from being _kicked_ out, but bah your fate will be so much worse. Just you wait!" Heather Chandler screamed, her breath shown in the cold air. Heather turned to face her and saw Veronica behind them, her hands wrapped around her arms in the cold. Heather felt bad that they had dragged her into their years worth of rivalry, but she had other things to deal with.

"Get the fuck up off your knees, Heather! I know that's the position you're _used_ to, but-"

And Heather saw red.


	11. Of Angry Snaps and No Going Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica witnesses the evil.
> 
> In which Jd tries to save the good.
> 
> In which Heather betrays the fake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This look literally forever I'm so sorry omg
> 
> I don't know if this is what anyone expected- but here's the twist!

Jd swung his feet over the side of his bed, sighing with annoyance. It was 2 am, he had just returned from 7-11, and he should be asleep. However, his brain had different ideas for him. He had tossed and turned for hours before realizing it was no use. So here he was, at the edge of his bed, contemplating life as if he were the main character in a bad teen movie. Maybe he was. Maybe his teen movie was just unnecessarily dark.

Jd threw his empty slushy cup into his trashcan, half-way across his room, and missed. He didn't bother picking it up.

He turned his light on, not caring if the brightness woke anyone else up. Well, Bud hadn't come home that night, so there really was no one to wake up. He was most likely out drinking, alone, watching some football game at a bar. Not caring about his own son.

But he never did care, so the silence of the house never bothered Jd. It was almost calming, almost sirene to be alone in the night, in such a large area. Jd leaned his head back, directing his gaze to the flaking white paint of the ceiling. Serene. Maybe, if you could call a depression fueled insomniatic reflection session in a room that smelled of cigarettes and melted slushies 'serene'. If this wasn't heaven, what was?

Heaven. Jd knew he would never make it, not after the murder. Jd wasn't even sure he believed in all that heaven and hell bullshit- maybe it was just a ploy to get people to comply with society's own ideologies of right and wrong, good and bad. Who were they to decided? Who was God to decide whether or not Jd was a good person? What makes a person good?

_Not killing a seventeen-year-old then framing it as a suicide, that's for sure,_ Jd thought, rolling his eyes at his own subconscious.

But, he killed someone who deserved it, didn't he? Kurt hurt Veronica and had probably hurt countless girls before. If he had lived, veronica would surely not be the last victim. In removing Kurt, he had cleansed the world of one of the many tumorous people who poisoned the good lot. Was Jd part of the good lot? 

He wasn't like the rest of the ones who deserved to die. Kurt deserved it the most out of every living human- for he had hurt Veronica. That was a death sentence. Ram probably hurt other girls at Westerberg, Ram deserved to go too. Heather Chandler, who made life hell for everyone who was slightly different, everyone who dared to have an opinion- she deserved it all too. Heather McNamara, who watched idly, maybe she also deserved it. Is being a bystander subject to the same punishment of the accused?

Too deep, too deep for 2 am. Jd cracked his knuckles slowly as he scooted back onto his bed, crossing his legs under him. Without a million thoughts clouding his mind, maybe his life could be decent, maybe even good.

Of course, nothing good lasts in the Dean household, nothing at all. Jd's phone began to ring loudly, startling Jd out of his own skin. He glanced at the bright white screen, hoping to see a simple spam call that he could ignore. No such luck. Veronica.

Half asleep, he messily accepted the call and brought his phone to the side of his face. "Ello?" he mumbled, rubbing his eye with his available hand.

The voice that responded wasn't Veronica. He could barely hear through the background wind noises, but he could tell it was Heather Duke who held the phone. _"Jd? Thank god,"_ she loudly said into the phone, panic and fear evident in her trembling voice.

Her tone frightened Jd and fully knocked him back into consciousness. The boy sat up straighter and cleared his throat, confused as to what was going on. "Heather? What's going on, why are you calling at... 2 am, and from Veronica's phone?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

_"I'm at Heather McNamara's, please come over right now,"_ she said, the tremble in her voice clearing away.

Jd cocked an eyebrow, fully aware that she could not see his puzzled expression. "Why? What's going on?" he asked again. Despite having no reason, Jd was already up and searching for the keys to his bike. 

Heather gave no response for a solid minute, faint arguing that Jd couldn't make out dribbling in the distance. _"You know how what happened to Kurt was, um, a suicide?"_

Jd froze in his tracks. Kurt. Suicide. What was she getting at? Terrified of what Heather could have possibly done, Jd closed his eyes. Kurt's 'suicide' was a result of him hurting Veronica- if someone had gone down the same path at the hands of Heather, did that mean that Veronica was hurt? Was Heather? Was anyone dead?

"Yes..." he trailed off, fearing the question equally as the answer.

_"I think we may have another suicide."_

*

Heather treaded back and forth in front of Heather McNamara's house, rubbing her temples. She stared down at the lifeless body in front of her, red blood spilling into the large fountain. Veronica was kneeled by the head of Heather Chandler, silent. If she had been screaming or crying, or even calling 911, Heather wouldn't be worried about her. But Veronica just held her hand under Heather's neck, silent.

A motorcycle pulled up to the scene, and Heather whipped her head around to catch it. Jd, not the cops. Thank God. "Heather, what the fuck did you do?" Jd asked, hopping off the bike. 

Heather ran towards the boy, fear creeping into her veins. "I don't know! I just-"

"She killed Heather."

Heather turned to the voice, Veronica. Deadpan, staring in Heather's empty eyes, her voice devoid of emotion. Veronica looked at the two. "They left, yelling, and I ran after them. Heather was still asleep. Then Heather grabbed her by the shirt and threw her on the ground, on the fountain. Heather is dead."

Even the satellites, miles above, froze. The wind whooshing past them and footsteps were the only noises present as Jd approached Veronica. He too kneeled by the girl, gently pressing two fingers to her neck. A large gash could barely be seen under a messy mop of blonde hair, stained crimson. Jd closed his eyes and turned to Heather. "She has no pulse," he said quietly. Heather's breathe bitched in her throat, and she began to walk towards the two.

Veronica quickly scurried backward as Heather approach them, but the older girl didn't care much, she didn't have time for Veronica's daily freak out. Heather was dead, and she killed her. "Oh my gosh, I'm going to jail!" she exclaimed through gritted teeth, staring down at her former best friend. Dead. Gone. Because of her.

"No, you aren't!" Jd said, grabbing Heather's shoulders and making her face him. "You fucked up, shoved your best friend's head into, and now we either have to hide the body or pull a Kurt Kelly and make it look like she committed suicide," he rambled, his eyes slightly crazy, his mind unhinged. Heather gave a myriad of quick, sharp nods before ripped herself away from his grasp, and reassessing the situation.

"Would the cops believe this is suicide? Who would throw themselves at a fountain to kill themselves?" she questioned, examining Heather's blank face. Veronica was breathing heavily behind her, and Heather felt guilty for a moment. Not for killing the red queen, but for dragging Veronica into such a mess, where she would be a witness to the murder. Murder of one of her best friends. 

She ignored her. "The cops in Sherwood are idiots, if they believed Kurt was a suicide then they'll believe this," Jd replied, standing from his kneeled position. He started to begin another thought when he was cut off by Veronica's unheard voice.

"What do you mean, Kurt did commit suicide."

Oh, fuck. Heather and Jd looked at each other, as Heather shook her head in disbelief. How could someone be so stupid? Was Jd really that brain dead? "It _was_ a suicide. Jd is just crazy."

"Don't tell me who's crazy!" Veronica cried out, standing up. Heather followed, and Veronica stood her ground, a look of disgust plagued onto her face. "I can't believe- you really killed her! She's dead! You're insane, you're a psychopath!" she yelled, slowly stepping away from Heather. 

Tears filled in the other girl's eyes, as she watched Veronica walk away in- fear? Disgust? Anger? Hatred? "I didn't mean to, Veronica-"

"Don't give me that shit!" she yelled, her voice trembling, tears forming in her own eyes. "You both think I'm, stupid! You really think I'm stupid, don't you?" she said, now looking at Jd as well as Heather. The two in front of her denied her allegations.

"Why would we- of course, we don't think that!" Jd said, quickly making his way next to Veronica. He attempted to grab her hand, but she swiped it away, stepping back from him as well. 

"You think I'm stupid, you thought I would just believe your story. You found out about the photos from Ram, yet somehow a week later you told me he had no idea they existed. Heather, you told me that you threw away my underwear, but how did you get it? Why was Kurt beat bloody when they found him hanging, and why did Jd have bloodstains on his trench coat? Nothing is adding up, and nothing any of you are saying to me is making sense!" she yelled, not worried about someone hearing. Veronica hadn't killed anyone.

Wind blew like a cold truth.

"I'm calling the police," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I'm calling the police and you'll go to jail for killing Heather."

Heather didn't even have a moment to process what Veronica was saying before she began to try and save herself. "No, you can't, Veronica, you'll go to jail too! You watched it happen and you didn't call 911 right away if you had she might have lived. You're in just as much shit as I am!" she yelled, shaking her head like a madman. If she was going down, they were all going down with her. 

"Then tell me what happened to Kurt!" 

Jd scrunched his face up and stepped forward. "Veronica, he would've told the whole school everything, you would've never come back. I was protecting you from him!"

"I don't give a shit! I give a shit about the fact that there was a red slushy at the scene. I'm not the police here, I know you killed Kurt. And I can't believe that you hid that from me!" she shrieked, looking only at Jd. While Heather was relieved to not be the subject of Veronica's rage, she was worried about what Veronica would do next. She was too young to go to jail!  
  
  
Jd put a hand on his forehead and looked to the sky. "I'm sorry, but you would've flipped!" he yelled back. Heather began to grow nervous about waking Heather up from her basement.

"Because it'd _murder_! Why would you do that?" she asked, looking at Jd for some answer, some justification upon his sins. 

His voice grew far softer, almost to a whisper. "I think you know why."

"You can't stop me from hurting by adding more pain into the world," Veronica answered, her tone matching his.

"Well he was a tumor on the earth, I removed him. I did more good than harm. But we can't be talking about that- we need to focus on... this," Jd said, gesturing towards the bloody mess. The still-running fountain was now filled with a pink-tinted water, a sure giveaway. 

"This looks nothing like a suicide, we're screwed!" Heather exclaimed. Her whole life would be going down the drain, off of a moment's decision, a quick anger-fueled snap. And worst of all, she was taking Jd and Veronica down with her. How selfish could she be?

"Maybe a murder, someone pushed her," Jd asked, biting his lip as he thought.

"That's what it is, dumbass, they'll figure out who did it soon enough!" Heather yelled, as she took her personal anguish and put it on Jd, screaming at him. She was dead. Dead! She'd go to jail, probably for life. Or worse, the death penalty was legal in Ohio. But was that really worse?

"She slipped."

Heather snapped out of her train of thought and turned back to Veronica. "She slipped. We put a rock by her feet, say she tripped, and fell. Heather and I will go back downstairs, pretend to be shocked when she's found dead. Jd, you need to leave," she explained, quickly searching the perfect grass lawn for a stone to put by her feet. "Or maybe some mud? We can smear it onto her slippers?" she offered, eyebrows raised.

"Um, yeah, mud. Veronica, you need to go back inside and wash your hands, just stay in the basement and go to bed. Heather and I started this mess, we'll do the work to end it," Kd muttered, looking concerned at Veronica. He hadn't noticed how much blood was on her. Though none had gotten on her clothes, her hands and arms were almost covered from when she held Heather's head up. 

"No, I won't."

Heather sighed and stepped next to Jd. Though she hated his relationship with Veronica and how close they had gotten, she couldn't let Veronica take her fall. "Please, Ronnie? Jd knows what he's doing, and I did this, so we can fix it. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes, just promise me. Uh, promise that you'll wash the blood off, go to sleep, _and never tell anyone what happened,"_ she hissed the last part quietly add if it were a spell.

To the untrained eye, it would look like a threat. Jd knew Heather though, so Jd knew better. She was showing concern for not only herself but for Veronica. That was practically unheard of for the girl in green.

"I won't tell anyone," Veronica stated, almost turning around. She faced Heather one more time, though, and gave a weak, defeated smile. The wind blew cold. She rubbed some of Heather's blood up and down her arm, revealing a deep purple mark underneath.

"Look, Heather, blood reveals the bruises."

*

"Ok, so we part the grass a bit, bring some of the mud from there to here- and we've got ourselves a fatal accident," Heather said with a skirt, wiping her mud-covered hands on Jd's trench coat. They were silently working, attempting to cover up Heather's impromptu homicide. Overall, the situation was far too calm to be realistic, but since when was her life realistic? 

Jd nodded, and smeared some of the dirt onto Heather Chandler's knees for good measure. "Heather Chandler was a bitch who deserved to die," he sneered, looking at the lifeless body with an empty hatred, one that Heather recognized all too well.

"Well, you're welcome world," she said, standing back as she observed the scene. The night was almost peaceful. Though Christmas was nearing, it wasn't too cold outside. The only chilly element was the loud sounds of the wind. "You're welcome Heather M, you're welcome teachers, you're welcome student body, you're welcome Veronica."

Jd looked at her and stood up. "Veronica," he stated. Not a question, he just spoke her name into existence as if he was making a point.

"Yeah, Veronica," Heather said. "Chandler was a bitch to her, a bitch to Heather, a bitch to me. She wasn't even our friend, she was like our dictator."

Jd considered what she said, and pushed it aside. He saw heather around her, and he saw her around everyone else. His friend was smart, just as smart as him, so he knew that she wouldn't be interested in someone shallow like Heather Chandler or Ram. She was smart, so she could see the part of Veronica no one else did. No one else, except for Jd. 

The way heather looked at her, he'd seen it before. It was the way he looked at Veronica. "You love her."

Heather rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's why I killed her. No, I don't love Heather, Jd," she said, averting her eyes from the bloody mess. "We should head back soon, it would look suspicious if Heather M woke up and I wasn't there."

"No, no. Veronica. You love Veronica."

Taken aback, Heather stared at him blankly. He couldn't quite read her expression- she gave him nothing. A moment of pause occurred, as she simply stared at him. His words lingered in the air like a piece of paper, slowly falling to their death.

"Who gave you that idea?" she asked through gritted teeth, tilting her head. Her words only confirmed his theory.

"Don't play stupid, Heather. I can tell, though I don't think she can," he explained, not breaking his gaze. He matched her head tilting and raised an eyebrow. He was her best friend, when would she just admit it?

"Well, I'm clearly not the only one!" she exclaimed, taking a step back. 

Jd shook his head. "She loves me back, anyway!"

"You don't know that!" she replied. "Ok, I don't know what's going on in your head, but you're crazy. I'm straight, and not into Veronica that way. You're cleary deflecting on me because you can't come to terms with your own weird feelings towards her."

Jd scoffed, and turned around, walking towards his bike. "Tell yourself that, Heather. We both know that you love her too. Bad news; she loves me back," he called out over his shoulder. Jd swung a leg over his bike and started it. "Wash up, go back inside, and make sure Veronica won't tell anyone. Act distraught and horrified when you find Heather dead, say she must have been outside for some fresh air. Don't fuck this up, Barbie."

Heather let out a shallow gasp as he rode away. He only called her Barbie when he was pissed at her.

And pissed he was.

But why? He figured it out, took him long enough. longer then it had even taken Heather. But, he must not have thought about it night and day as she had. Veronica couldn't love him, she wasn't like that. Though she had her fair share of angst and dark jokes, Veronica wasn't a bad person. Light shone through her soul in even the darkest of times, brightening the world around. It wasn't as prominent as Heather McNamara or that Martha girl, but it was there. Jd was like a soul-sucking creature of darkness- he was empty in the heart. Yet he loved her, somehow.

Wasn't Heather the same, though? She was known as the other Heather, the Heather with no distinct personality, the follower. All her mind consisted of was voices- sometimes nice, sometimes not. She told herself to purge, to kill Heather, to lie, to cheat, to steal. Yet, she also told herself to read, to bake, to smile, to laugh.

She never told herself to love Veronica. She would never want to. It complicated things, it broke her heart, it clouded her mind. The worst part was knowing that the love would forever be unrequited, that Heather would be stuck in a constant world of pining over a girl who didn't love her back.

Was it because hs loved Jd? Did Veronica love him too?

Maybe that was why. Maybe she saw some ap[peal in his stupid bad boy facade that he kept up as a wall. To keep people away, yet it drew Veronica in. He _had_ been there for her in the worst days, but hadn't she always been available, most of the time? Yet Veronica chose Jd to ber there, chose him to love.

It was a horrible thing, to not be loved, and it would kill Heather one day.


	12. Of Panics and Frantics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Veronica is done
> 
> In which Heather confesses
> 
> In which Jd takes a last resort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story reads like a bad soap opera and I am HERE for it

Things weren't going great for Veronica Sawyer. Normal, she had told Heather, normal. She wanted a normal sleepover with her normal friends.

Normal is braiding each other's hair, normal is spilling all the gossip they could remember. Normal is deep talks with Heather Chandler about her parents and her superiority complex (of which everyone knew about). Normal is playing monopoly and always watching Heather Duke loose and tip over the board. Normal talking Heather McNamara through her boy troubles.

Normal is _not_ washing blood off of yourself in heather's porcelain white bathroom.

Weirdly enough, Veronica wasn't crying. She'd cried enough tears for several more years in the past few weeks, so the ducts must have all but dried up. Deep brown-red water ran over her arms, the mid mixing in with it. Veronica just stared, not making an effort to scrub. How had things gone so wrong?

She heard a knock on the door, and without a response, it slowly opened behind her. "It's 3 am Veronica, you should go to sleep," Heather Duke said, stepping inside and closing the door. "Did you get it all of?" she asked, looking down at Veronica's hands.

"No, I didn't get the blood of my best friend off my hands yet," she snapped, not looking at the girl in green. The water continued to run, as Veronica let her head fall into a bow. She couldn't look her in the eyes.

"You're mad at me."  
  


"No, Heather, I'm not mad. You only killed my best friend right in front of me!" she hissed, finally turning to her. Heather reached over and turned the water off form behind Veronica. "How could you- how? She was your friend for so long Heather."

Duke winced and put her hands to her temples, steadying herself. "I don't- I didn't plan to! It's just all the years of insults and torments and cruelty- it got to me! I couldn't- it just happened! Shouldn't you be relieved too? She tortured us, all of us!" she whispered frantically, determined to not wake Heather. Veronica let out a humorless laugh.

"She didn't deserve to die! Neither of them did."  
  
  


Heather stared at the girl in front of her. The concealer on part of her arms how washed away, leaving fingertip shaped bruises and a purples wrist exposed. Veornica's eyes were red, most likely due to the time and circumstance. Her mascara had smudged a bit under her eyes, just making her dark circles worse. She was still beautiful- in a tragic, ethereal way. "You mean Kurt and Heather?"

Veronica nodded, an angered smile stretching her lips. "Yes."  
  


"How can you grieve for them after what they did? Heather set you up for it, and Kurt- Kurt deserved to die for that, Veronica," she said, her eyes a little wild. She searched for eye contact, a lame attempt at convincing Veronica to hear her out. The other girl's gaze was locked onto the ground.

"No. And- and he's dead now. He's a dead teenager, and we've been treating it like a miracle. Jd told me I was free after he died, but I'm not. If he killed Kurt because of what Kurt did to me, then technically it was my fault he's dead."

Heather shook her head frantically. "No, it's his own fault, he shouldn't-"

Veronica cut her off. "He deserved to go to jail, not to be shot in the head. Heather never set me up to get raped, she set me up with a boy who did that on his own. Yeah, she was mean and cruel and terrible to some, but she was our friend, and she was a teenager. We aren't much better, the way we treat people like Martha, we're just like her. We don't deserve to die and neither did she. But you were selfish enough to kill her for a few jabs that she made at you, meaningless comments!" Veronica exclaimed, the franticness in her voice escalating with each thought. Heather shook her head.

"I'm not saying she deserved it, I'm not! It's not an excuse for killing her, it's my _reason._ Kurt, however, did deserve to die. Look at you, I know you're faking your own sanity," she quickly exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. The act wasn't hard to see through.

Veronica smiled again. "And what does that mean?" she questioned, tilting her head to the girl in front of her.

"Please, Veronica. This is all a lie! The 'normal' night was never going to happen, and you know that. Nothing can ever be normal again, and you're mad about that, so you tried to create some warped version of what life used to be. Spoiler alert, babe, normal wasn't fun for any of us! Now you're hiding your bruises, not even mentioning that you tried to kill yourself before Jd stopped you, and you're deflecting. I get it, Heather Chandler represented life before in your brain, but you have to let that go. Because she's dead, and so is the past."

The earth seemed to pause for a brief moment as Veronica took the words in. "You really think you have me figured out, don't you?"

Heather smiled, aware that Veronica didn't believe a word she said. "I do."

"Seems like you spent some time on that, didn't you Heather?" She froze. Veronica knew. Did Jd tell her? No, he wouldn't tell, so she couldn't know. "Heather, I know more than you think I do," she said, stepping towards her. "A lot more."

"What do you know?"

"I know that Jd and I aren't just friends, and I know that you two aren't either."

Heather's heart began to beat rapidly as Veronica spoke. Veronica didn't know everything clearly- because that last part was off. What was she getting at? "Do you think Jd and I...?" she asked, not quite finishing the thought.   
  
  


"I've seen you two together, it's obvious! I just can't believe you haven't admitted it yet. I know you aren't dating but it's so obvious that you two are into each other! I don't care, I like him too but it's stupid and meaningless-"

"Jd and I do not like each other!" Heather interrupted. "You are so fucking oblivious, I can't. We are not dating, Jd likes someone else!"

  
  
Veronica raised an eyebrow. "And you know this how?"  
  


"I'm his best friend if you haven't noticed."

She sighed. "Ok, we're getting off-topic, and you're delusional. The point is, you murdered someone and I have to keep that secret for the rest of my life. That isn't fair, I can't do this! I can't od this!" she said, much louder than intended. The world was throwing too many curveballs at Veronica, and she couldn't handle it. Her breathing sped again, and she grabbed her hair in her hands. "You killed my best friend, and I have to live with that! That I couldn't stop you- that I couldn't stop it!"

"Please, Veronica, calm down!" she hissed. "We'll talk through it, I promise I'll explain it all from the beginning- let's just sit down, ok?"

She wanted to protest. She wanted to cry and scream and call the police, to let everyone know what had happened. She wanted to rip the fabric of her world apart, she wanted to start over. But she didn't, because she couldn't. "Ok."

*

"And so I went to his house, we deleted the pictures. Um, I sent a letter, and the test, you know the rest," Heather finished. Veronica had put together all the pieces to the story prior, but it was reassuring hearing her suspicions confirmed in chronological order. 

Veronica groaned and threw her head back. The had positioned themselves back on the couch where they had laid before the incident. "That's what I thought happened," she softly said, looking down at her folded hands. She took a deep breath.

"What can I do to help?" Heather quietly asked. What could one do? Best friend murdered, that wasn't something you get over. Neither was any of the other shit that had happened recently.

"Don't keep anything from me again. Don't lie to me, and don't, I don't know, withhold the truth. Just be honest, oh! And don't kill anyone else," she hissed the least part out, her eyebrows raised. Heather shook her head, knowing she deserved it.

"I won't, I promise. Um, honesty?" she asked, biting her bottom lip. In the distance, cicadas chirped loudly, disturbing the peace.

"Yes, honesty," Veronica answered.

Heather owed it to her. She owed her the truth, whether or not it would ruin everything. "Veronica, Jd is in love with you."

A pause.

Veronica couldn't help but smile a bit, before doubting herself. How could he love her when she was so obviously broken goods? Hell, she tried to kill herself in front of him. That wasn't exactly daydream materiel. "He does?" she asked, hope in her voice. 

It was the hope that scared her. She hoped that the murderer was actually in love with her because she was in love with him. A murderer. He killed someone and covered up the death of another, yet Veronica felt safe in his presence. She only felt safe in his presence. And he was good inside, despite what he showed the world, he was beautiful. He needed help, a lot of it, but that couldn't change what had already been done. She had already fallen for him against her own will.

"I think I love him too," she said, a smile creeping onto her lips.

Heather sighed and fought back a wave of tears threatening to crash. Her vision blurred as they burned behind her eyes, her nose stinging from the pressure. "You should tell him that," she said, her smile not quite sincere but also not exactly fake. "But, um, Ronnie?"

"Yeah?" Veronica said.

"There's more than that-" Heather began, before being cut off by the now frantic girl in front of her.

"I swear if there's anyone else who's dead-"

"No, it's not like that! Veronica, Jd loves you, and, um, and I do too."

*

Loud, sharp sirens rang through the night, overpowering Mrs. McNamara's piercing screams. It was her who had found Heather on the cold ground, blood in the mud before she had left for work. 911 was immediately called, and the girls were woken up by Heather's father.

"Do you girls know anything about Heather leaving the house this morning?" he asked in a serious tone, his eyes dark. Veronica shook her head no, her actions not matching her thoughts.

"No, daddy, why would we?" Heather McNamara asked with a hint of concern etching into her voice. None of them had yet been told that Heather was dead, so V and Heather were playing it the safe way-acting oblivious.

"Oh, well, around 2 am last night we were up talking, and she said she needed some fresh air. I fell back asleep before she returned. Why? What's going on?" Heather asked, widening her eyes to make herself look as innocent as possible. The Heathers had done their fair share of sneaking out and around in sophomore year, so they were damn good liars. Heather Chandler probably never imagined what heather Duke would be using her skills for, though, when she was teaching her to flutter her eyelashes and tilt her head.

Three loud knocks on the basement door interrupted the act. "Come in!" Mr. McNamara yelled up at the door, rubbing his temples with his fingers. Heather didn't blame him for being so stressed, a young girl has slipped and died on his property. Well, she didn't slip, but no one needed to know that.

Heather's mom walked down the steps, her eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. "Heather, Heather, and Veronica, you three need to leave the house now. Something awful has happened, Mrs. Duke will be able to explain it all to you girls in due time. Please take the back exit, she is waiting in her car to take you all to the Duke residence," she promptly stated. Veronica noticed how flushed her cheeks were and how her mascara gently ran- guilt racked through her body like a sob.

"What's going on, mother? Mom?" Heather McNamara said, tears slowly forming in her eyes. Heather Duke looked down at her feet.

"Darling, please just go with Ms. Duke."

Heather stood up and smoothed her hair down. "Mom, please, why can't we go out the front door, and where is Heather-"

"Out the back door, now!"

*

Veronica sat on Heather Duke's bed, her legs crossed underneath her. Heather's mom had explained to them when they got home that Heather had been found dead on their front lawn after she bumped her head on the marble fountain. Luckily, the cops were currently suspecting that it had been a horrible slip that cost her her life. Unluckily, the McNamara's might be in a bit of a situation now.

"You ok, Ronnie?" Heather Duke gently asked from her place on the carpeted floor. Heather McNamara had been ushered home after hearing the story, as her mother had called. Apparently, the gated community the McNamaras lived in required certain levels of aptness to be installed in each house, each lawn- just to ensure that no accidents happen. A slide of mud randomly appearing on their front lawn? Not up to code, certainly not up to code of law.

Veronica gave a sarcastic grin to her friend below. "Everythings great, Heather," she said in a small voice. Her shoulders fell forward as she kept her eye range down, not looking Heather in her eyes.

"I know you're lying, and I know you're upset. Just remember that it's being sorted out, that it'll all be ok," Heather said, placing a hand comfortingly on Veronica's knee. The other girl, however, shoved it off.

"All be ok? Did you see Heather's face when she found out, did you hear her crying? That's your friend, Heather was your friend!" she exclaimed in a pained voice, shaking her head knowingly. "You created so much crap for all of us and have the audacity to say that it'll be ok?"

Heather took a deep breath and stood up. She sat next to Veronica on the bed and turned to her. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Any of you, I promise."

"You meant to hurt Heather. And you knew that hurting her meant hurting Heather, meant hurting both of the Heathers' families, meant hurting me," Veronica spat. She scootched away from Heather until her body was right up against the headboard. She sighed and began nervously wringing her hands together

"I didn't hurt you- I would never hurt you, Ronnie," Heather insisted. Veronica kept her eyes to the ground. "Please, just look at me so I can try and fix this!"

"Fix this? Fix this. You want to fix this, Heather, but only one part of it. You want the cops off your trail, you want to make sure I don't rat you out. That's what all of this is, isn't it? Saying that you love me, it's all part of your plan? you were always a jealous bitch, Heather, but I never thought you'd go to such a length," Veronica said, finally looking into the girl's eyes.

Heather shook her head, confused. "Plan? You've got this all wrong-"

Veronica cut her off with a short laugh. "You wanted to be the queen bee, so you eliminated the competition. You really killed Heather just for that? Then you write me all of those notes telling me how much I mean to you as a friend, how much you care about me- all so I'll be the Duke to your Chandler. Classy."

"You think I told you that so you'd be a follower? And you think I meant as a friend? Veronica..." Heather trailed off, lost in Veronica's brown eyes. The girl in front of her had her face positioned in a poisonous glare. "I really do love you..."  
  


Heather leaned forward slowly and put a hand under Veromnica's chin, tilting it upwards to ensure eye contact. Ther shorter girl looked away, but Heather moved her head to look in her eyes again. Her breathing quicker as she closed a distance between their faces until their lips were almost touching. Heather went in for it but was met with an upsetting reality when Veronica yanked herself away, and lept up from the bed so she was facing Heather.

"This won't work, Heather. Nothing you do will erase what you've done. I'm going to the police, I'll serve my time for being an accomplice or whatever shit. You can rot in there for the rest of your _goddamn_ life," Veronica said sharply, a single tear running down her cheek.

"You don't mean that, Ronnie-"

"You'll find that that is exactly what I mean. I'm going now, it's confession time, Heather."

Veronica quickly made a beeline for Heather's door, twisting the handle intensely. However, as she pushed on the door, she found that it wouldn't open. "What the fuck?" Veronica muttered under her breath. Heather squeezed her eyes closed tightly and facepalmed gently. "Heather, did you lock me in here? Give me my phone!" she yelled, charging to Heather. 

The girl in green was faster, though, and opened Veronica's mobile. She dialed a familiar number, fighting off Veronica's lame attempts at regaining her possession. "Hi, Jd? I need you to come to my room right now. Through the window."


End file.
